This is where i’m dumping all humorous chat logs between James, Matthew, and anybody else.

We pride ourselves on the fact that every one of these exchanges did happen, unplanned, of its own accord, in an uncontrolled environment.

Current Favorite:

[3/4/2016 8:43:23 AM] James de Vries: i am so fucking psyched

[3/4/2016 8:43:38 AM] James de Vries: this companys herpes simplex virus vaccine trial just came back with no safety issues, and 90% reduction in outbraeks

[3/4/2016 8:43:45 AM] James de Vries: i own like 24,000 shares in it

[3/4/2016 8:43:51 AM] James de Vries: and its goin’ places

[3/4/2016 8:43:58 AM] James de Vries: so psyched

[3/4/2016 8:44:04 AM] James de Vries: FUCKING PSYCHED

[3/4/2016 8:44:05 AM] James de Vries: CUNT

[3/4/2016 8:44:44 AM] James de Vries: this stock is gonna two-bag and i’m going to flip my fucking pancakes

[3/4/2016 8:45:09 AM] James de Vries: TOO LATE THEY ARE ALREADY FLIPPING

[3/4/2016 8:45:22 AM] James de Vries: CALL THE PANCAKE AMBULANCE

[3/4/2016 8:47:07 AM] James de Vries: also call the PANCAKE POLICE

[3/4/2016 8:47:11 AM] James de Vries: BECAUSE THERE’S A FLIPPER ON THE LOOSE

[3/4/2016 8:47:17 AM] James de Vries: BRB WORK

James talking to himself chat logs

James: Aunties exist for no other purpose than to complain constantly

—–

James: Oh man, i LOVE cocks!

(by which i meant i love cox)

—–

James: Whenever i refactor multiple similar lines of code at once using sublime texts multiple cursor feature i just want to vomit rainbows out of every orifice.

James: I don’t even feel like vomit is a strong enough word.

James: I want rainbows to come out of me the way water comes out of a broken water main

—–

James: steve sometimes I want to shoot myself in the face

James: but not to like, die

James: just to prove a dramatic point about how much everything pisses me off

James: and then i’d suck all my brains back in through the bullethole and continue programming

—–

James: jesus christ you have
James: and i don’t mean you should
James: i mean you actually have to or i will hurt you
James: listen to the messenger 2012 by infected mushroom

—–

(3:06:31 AM) James: ROFLMAO

(3:06:40 AM) James: shatter them boners

(3:06:49 AM) Amber Cox: xD

(3:06:52 AM) James: break them over your knee /w a primal roar

—–

James: I think the reason I love linux so much is the atmosphere

James: Its just like

James: if somethings  not working

James: its not because linux is shit

James: its because YOU are shit

James: And the latter can be fixed

—–

[1:01:23 PM] James de Vries: OH DUDE I JUST DISCOVERED

[1:01:27 PM] James de Vries: THERES NO PHONE IN THIS ROOM ANYMORE

[1:01:30 PM] James de Vries: AAAAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSS

[1:01:34 PM] James de Vries: SO MUCH EASIER TO IGNORE IT

[1:01:37 PM] James de Vries: WHEN ITS NOT NEXT TO ME

—–

[12:49:32 AM] James de Vries: you’re pretty much scraping the bottom of the bottomest barrel at the bottom of the pile of barrels at the bottom of the mariana trench if you’re counting on james to remember shit for you

—–

(9:34:38 PM) shodyjomes: i’ve climbed a lot of trees

(9:34:46 PM) shodyjomes: some of them i never even got past the base

(9:34:54 PM) shodyjomes: but thats the first time i’ve ever felt like the tree won

—–

(3:27:01 PM) James: brb progress piss

(3:28:44 PM) James: back, victory sit

(3:28:47 PM) James: oh man that sounds like victory shit

(3:28:50 PM) James: OH MAN THAT IS NOW A THING

(3:28:53 PM) James: AS OF NOW

—–

[12:35:34 PM] James de Vries: roflmao

[12:35:38 PM] James de Vries: i clicked a link on youtube

[12:35:47 PM] James de Vries: “THE ROCK (1996) FULL MOVIE”

[12:35:56 PM] James de Vries: i wasn’t really intending to watch a full movie whatever the case

[12:36:09 PM] James de Vries: but as i started reading the comments about how much everybody loved the movie

[12:36:17 PM] James de Vries: i was like hmm maybe i’ll watch a bit and give it a go

[12:36:20 PM] James de Vries: opening credits roll

[12:36:25 PM] James de Vries: “DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY”

[12:36:31 PM] James de Vries: …NOPE

[12:36:33 PM] James de Vries: *close*

—–

James: ONE ERROR
James: THATS LESS THAN THREE
James: AND THATS ANOTHER UNINTENTIONAL PUN
James: ABOUT HOW MUCH LOVE I HAVE
James: FOR HAVING LESS THAN THREE ERRORS

—–

James: WOW THEY WANT US TO SUBMIT IN PDF
James: WHY DONT THEY JUST ASK US TO FIRE OUR ASSIGNMENT INTO SPACE
James: IT WOULD BE LESS RESOURCE INTENSIVE

—–

James – Friday is optional pants day said (11:53 PM):

i am

James – Friday is optional pants day said (11:54 PM):

the greatest fucking human being

to grace this planet

in the history of the world

in the times of old it was written in the stones

ONE DAY A MAN WOULD COME

WHO WOULD CODE SO HARD

THAT HE GOT ALL THE BITCHES

THAT DAY HAS COME MY FRIENDS

RISE UP, AND REJOICE! FOR YOU ARE NOW SHADYS BITCH

BECAUSE HE CODED SO HARD

James – Friday is optional pants day said (11:55 PM):

THAT NOW EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO WERE ALREADY SOMEBODY ELSES BITCH

ARE NOW BECOME POLYGABITCHES

WHICH MEANS THEY ARE MULTIPLE PEOPLES BITCH AT THE SAME TIME

JUST SO THAT THEY WERE CAPABLE OF BEING HIS BITCH TOO WITHOUT SHIRKING THEIR COMMITMENTS

WHAT WAS I SAYING

James – Friday is optional pants day said (11:56 PM):

oh right WOW that was a fuck-tonne of coding

just

wow

i did that

AGAIN

i ALWAYS do it

and every time i still can’t believe i did it

James – Friday is optional pants day said (11:57 PM):

and the thing that confuses me the most

is i actually LEARNED SHIT

like

this is university

since when do you learn shit

NEVER

thats when

so i don’t know why it happened today

but it did, so i guess thats something

James – Friday is optional pants day said (11:58 PM):

i am now going to play starcraft until i pass out

or get diamond

probably pass out

—–

James: I guess there has to be below average people or else we wouldn’t have anybody to be better than

—–

James – Friday is optional pants day says (12:30 AM):

HOW CONVENIENT

I LEVELLED UP

IN AN ELEVATOR

YEAAAAAAAAAAH
—–

James: mmhm

what can i say, i’m into stabbing

OR SHOULD I SAY

STABBING

/puts on sunnies

IS INTO ME

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

—–

James:  i’m in a tute motherfucker take a look at me
James: straight floatin’ in a tute down at QUT
James: its on technology, what you think about that?
James:  YOU CANT STOP ME MOTHERFUCKER COZ IM IN A PRAC
James: took me 7 minutes to figure out how to make that rhyme
James: it was worth it

—–

James: testing
James: pants.
James: excellent
James: that is all

—–

James: After friends, kill everybody
James: err
James: That came out wrong

—–

James: man its hard to play starcraft while sneezing constantly
James: you have to be like
James: ACHBLAOURAH sniff MASH E
James: OK PROBE BUILDING GOT 10 SECONDS TO WIPE
James: GOTTA BUILD PYLON OSHIT ACHBROUALGHA SNIFF
James: PLACE PYLON BUILD PROBE OK 10 SECONDS TO WIPE
James: OK SCOUTING HIS BASE
James: OSHI SCOUT PROBE UNDER ATTACK BY MARINE ACHAABLOOGR FUCK LOST IT
James: AH UNDER ATTACK BY REAPAAAGCHOO SNEEZED SO HARD HEADSET FELL OFF MUST PLAY NEXT 30 SECONDS WITHOUT SOUND UNTIL I GET AN APM BREAK
James: you’re not there are you

—–

James: most fucking retarded story ever right
James: so i go to a vending machine near the library to get noodles because noodles are cheap and filling right
James: girl next to me is also getting noodles, and while we’re opening our peas + flavor etc i’m like “they should really put a table out for this”
James: she agrees
James: then i go to get some hot water for my noodles, i put them in and close the little door
James: it just like shits out this tiny little bit of water, enough to wet the flavoring, and stops
James: i try several more times and it refuses to issue forth more water
James: so we go off in our own directions to try and find some other hot water source
James: On my way to student services on floor 6 of S-block i come across an open door with a kitchenette complete with hot water jug inside
James: so i yippee, go inside and boil the jug
James: i’m pretty sure i wasn’t meant to be there because it was adjacent to some obscure engineering faculty but i was hungry so fuck them
James: then i contemplate whether that girl is still looking for hot water so since the jug will take a little while to boil i go down two floors and poke my head out onto the catwalk to see if she’s in sight
James: she’s not around so i go back up and THE DOOR IS CLOSED AND LOCKED
James: AND MY NOODLES ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE
James: What kind of fuckstick goes “HEY THERES  A JUG BOILING HERE WITH AN OPEN CUP OF NOODLES NEXT TO IT. O WELL LOL BETTER LOCK THE DOOR.”
James: and you’re not fucking there are you

—–

James: So i just realised in hon i have like 120 apm right

James: But like….EIGHTY of it must be shit talk

—–

James: ROFLMAO
James: the ticker for oil search
James: the company
James: is OSH
James: as in, hey, good job striking oil, go have a smoke. wait…. OSH-*EXPLODE*

—–

James: So thats my life

James: surprisingly little there

James: but i’m enjoying it!

James: like a bag of chips

James: how very philosophical

—–

James: shoot their nads off

James: there should be an achievement for that

James: “Surprise vasectomy”

—–

James: yeah, if theres one thing that school taught me, its that the fastest way to learn is to do it yourself

James: Which is, in retrospect, sort of tragic

—–

James: and i’m like the opposite of bullshit

James: I am the vinegar to bullshits baking soda

James: and when we collide, shit explodes

James: but then when the dust settles theres no more baking soda

James: I mean, bullshit

—–

James: I want………COOKIES

James: BRB COOKIES

James: BACKWITHCOOKIESOMG

James: Soon i might even eat them

James: If i feel like a challenge

—–

James: I would rather be a lesbian than a fag btw.

James: Just throwing it out there.

—–

James – Swankitude says (1:23 PM):

James: BACK

James: OOPS CAPS

James: OOPS STILL CAPS

James: the fuck

James: thats better

—–

James: mmhm

what can i say, i’m into stabbing

OR SHOULD I SAY

STABBING

  • puts on sunnies*

IS INTO ME

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Stories about me being the fucking bear grylls of being a nerd

James: So when i did the 48-hour game making challenge, I neglected to bring a towel, or a spare shirt

James: But how did you get clean, you ask?

James: All I brought was my rig, phone, and wallet. None of these can be used to get clean.

James: BUT THEN

James: They were selling promotional 48-hour game making challenge t-shirts

James: So i bought one, showered, changed into it, and used my old shirt as a towel

James: Get on my level

—–

James: There were no maggi noodles left

James: there was just one packet of plain noodles /w no flavor packet in the cupboard, that had been there for like a year because who wants plain noodles.

James: but then in a flash of inspiration i realise if i combine plain noodles, with chicken stock?

James: Chicken noodles.

James: I am a wizard.

(editors note: those noodles actually ended up giving me food poisoning)

Matthew talking to himself chat logs

Matthew: i

Matthew: yeah nope

Matthew: words fial me

—–

Matthew: using one of the servers at work with 24 gig of ram and 16 logical processor cores

Matthew: YES THAT DIFF PROGRAM IS USING 6 GIG OF RAM

Matthew: NO IT DOESN’T MATTER

Matthew: okay so apparently kdiff3 can’t use more than 6.7 gb of ram

Nathan talking to himself chat logs

Nathan: Me and my sister hate eachother

Nathan: I know hate is a strong word

Nathan: but thats why I use it

Most Common Matthew/James Exchange

This is officially the most commonly found exchange in any given Matthew/James IM conversation

Matthew: …

James: =D

Matthew/James Chat Logs

Matthew: someone in #osdev
Matthew: with too much time
James: rofl wow
James: THATS AMAZING
Matthew: it’s… yeah
Matthew: i guess so
Matthew: i feel like somewhere along the line he’s gotta start wondering if he’s wasted some of his life 😛
James: hahaha
James: matthew matthew matthew
James: he’s wasted
James: a LOT of his life
James: but it amused me
James: for about 10 seconds
James: so that made it worth it.
Matthew: remember that time i showed you nethack
Matthew: and you finished it a year later
James: yes
James: yes i do.
=====
Matthew: oh yeah i’m also buying like 8 more fish for my fish tank tomorrow
James: you have a fish tank
Matthew: i have a fish tank
James: cool.
James: lol
James: whats the coolest thing in it
James: or going to be in it
James: depending on what you get tomorrow i suppose

Matthew: IRONICALLYY

James: the heater
James: ROFLMAO

—–

James: okay
James: three words
James: custom wrapping paper
James: check this shit out
James: would that not be the most amazing giftwrap ever
Sent at 9:17 PM on Wednesday

Matthew: ROFL

Matthew: you crashed mspaint
Matthew: for this

James: yes

James: yes i did
James: because i started with a 900×900 happyface png
James: and i’m like
James: “it needs to be at LEAST……THREE times bigger than this
James: stretches to 6400×6400
—–

Matthew: okay

Matthew: on my pc again
Matthew: after removing sound card
Matthew: oh and in my infinite past wisdom i disabled sound in the bios
Matthew: gonna have to reboot again
Matthew: navigating bios setup screen
Matthew: select thing to change
Matthew: push + and –
Matthew: wonder why nothing is happening

James: roflmo

Matthew: damn you dwarf fortress

James: you have contracted dwarfism

James: you will recieve your red conical hat in the mail

Matthew: better than a white conical hat amirite

James: RIFKLSDG

James: yes
James: it definitely is

Matthew: you did nazi that coming

James: nein

—–

Matthew: i c!
Matthew: ooh, a snatcher
Matthew: goblin snatcher in fact
Matthew: designed to steal children
James: indeed!
James: the fuck
James: it just announced a dwarf peasant arriving the way it would announce the arrival of a megabeast
James: OH
James: I GUESS HES A FUCKIN’ WEREWOLF THEN
James: ALL RIGHT FAGGOT MEET THE BOWNERS, MY CROSSBOW SQUAD
Matthew: ROFL

James: UNLESS
James: I CANT ACCESS THE DESTINATION OF THE POINTER
James: BECAUSE ITS A PRIVATE MEMBER OF SOMETHING
James: FUCK
James: okay that wasn’t it
Sent at 6:04 PM on Monday

Matthew: I’LL ACCESS YOUR PRIVATE MEMBER IN A SECOND

Matthew: i mean
Matthew: rofl

Matthew: hold the phone while i read the backlog

James: kay

James: rofl access my private member
James: i just got it
James: 😀
—–
Matthew: oh man did i tell you
Matthew: i am now officially graduated
James: conGRADulations!
Matthew: testamur and going to a graduation ceremony and all that
James: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHF:JKLSGHSRUHYG:SFLJKBGR:JKLGHYSWRGJ”KFh'[
Matthew: OH GOODNESS WHY
Matthew: ROFL
—–
James: holy shit it compiled
James: i’m going to pee now so that i don’t pee depressed about the next bug
James: brb
James: THERES NOTHING WORSE
James: THAN PEEING SAD

Matthew: o.O

James: THE TRICKLE OF SHAME

Matthew: i

Matthew: uh
and i thought private members was bad

James: also that reminds me i need to add both of these to chat logs

Sent at 6:40 PM on Monday

James: I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF CODING

James: ALL MEN SHALL BOW BEFORE ME
James: BEFORE BEING SLAUGHTERED TO MAKE ROOM FOR MORE WOMEN TO BOW BEFORE ME

Matthew: o.O

Sent at 6:43 PM on Monday

James: sorry i just get a bit carried away when something works immediately after you’ve made sweeping changes to your code

Matthew: “a bit”

James: well i am pretty cool already

James: so it has to start high

Matthew: right

—–

Matthew: oh look another game downloaded while i was working late again
currently trialling some MMOFPSRPGLOL game

shadylives: if its planetside

let me save your time

Matthew: gonna try some F2P gta-esque MMO at some point

shadylives: with a quick review

Matthew: it’s not planetside

shadylives: oh ok

do you want to hear the review anyway?

Matthew: i’ve heard it before

shadylives: oh lol

Matthew: but i’ll hear it again

because it’s funny 😀

shadylives: HRRBLUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGH

^ thats the sound of me vomiting
1 star would not vomit on again

Matthew: excellent

—–

Matthew: i helped you with python though 😀

Matthew: yay for self-guided learners

James: you did

James: its been really good having an authority i can take shit to when i actually just don’t get something
James: even if i don’t need it most of the time
James: when you DO need it, you’re grateful

Matthew: yep

Matthew: and i can be like no you’re retarded
Matthew: you obviously need a list comprehension
Matthew: and you’re like ohhh right!

James: haha

James: or when my lecturer is a fucking retard

Matthew: 😀

James: and makes a new function

James: for a single-use print statement

Matthew: OH YEAH

James: and i’m like matthew is this guy retarded

James: and you’re like YES HE IS
James: and i’m like THANK YOU

Matthew: indeed 😀

James: in other news
James: options are the shit
James: and i am buying all the options
James: its like investing with 8x more money than you actually have

Matthew: i see

Matthew: shiny!

James: i am apprehensive

James: because of the fact this is my first time using them
James: but i have made some money already, so hopefully i can continue that trend
James: and not lose everything

Matthew: making money is shiny

Matthew: i have a friend who invests in gold
Matthew: which is
Matthew: *puts on sunglasses*
Matthew: shiny
Matthew: YEAAAAAAH

James: ROFLMAO

Matthew: seriously though apparently there’s money to be made in it

James: that was so terrible

James: and yeah gold is the thing that goes up when other things go down generally
James: being the fallback currency for economic collapse and such

Matthew: yep

Matthew: which makes it handy at the moment 😀

James: there are other ways to make money from falling markets

James: but they involve something called “unlimited risk”
James: which is an interesting concept
James: one i’m sure you can already figure the outline of
James: naturally i’m looking into it though
James: i need to change brokers
James: 😀

Matthew: i c 😀

James: thats something i should sign up for now

James: because i’m expecting to have to send in like three rounds of paperwork
James: and the earlier they get processed the better
James: oh you’re cool commsec
James: “This offer does not apply to trades where CommSec’s brokerage exceeds $55 (including GST) or trades with a value over <BLANK>”

Matthew: rofl

James: i’m just going to assume

James: that i’m so pov
James: i couldn’t even comprehend the number that was going to be there
James: and such will never reach it

Matthew: rofl

Matthew: okay 😀

Matthew: OKAY IT’S ON

Matthew: GAMING TIME OVER
Matthew: TIME TO WRITE SOME CODE

James: awesome

James: i’m applying for a commbank trading account
James: because i think they’ll give me more….
James: puts on sunnies
James: options
James: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Matthew: LOL

Matthew: ROFLOL
Matthew: MONEY FOR YOU
Matthew: CODE FOR ME
Matthew: WE’RE A HAPPY
Matthew: FAMILY
Matthew: WITH A SEGAULT HERE
Matthew: AND DIVIDENDS FOR YOU
Matthew: WON’T YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO
Matthew: okay that last line needs to change

James: little gay

Matthew: just a bit yeah

Matthew: woo bangarang

James: yo i’m eatin’ fun dip right now

James: seriously not givin a fuck
Matthew: 😀
Matthew: 😀
Matthew: oops double smiley
James: TWO SMILEYS FOR TWICE THE COLON D
Matthew: WHAT IS THIS I CANNOT SEE

James: THE GOGGLES THEY DO NOTHING

—–

Matthew: got an exam on wednesday morning
Matthew: last one of the summer semester

Matthew: turns out it’s worth 30% of the semester’s marks, and i’m already on a 7 from the 70% worth of assignments

Matthew: also got bored in mw3 multiplayer so i started shooting at a random wall
Matthew: got a double kill because two guys were on the other side <3

James: ROFLMAO

Matthew: i was like wtf

Matthew: almost as amazing as throwing a grenade randomly over a wall and getting a kill for it

James: lol

James: in quake
James: i blow up corpses as a hobby

Matthew: rofl

James: i will often just cross-map fire a rocket at a corpse mid battle

James: but this one time
James: i was just running around and i saw a corpse
James: and i fired a rocket at it, as usual
James: and a guy ran out from a door and walked into the rocket and died and i won the round
James: i lost my shit
James: i was like RTOFLBSDFKLJGHSRIUPTHFG”

Matthew: LOL!

epic 😀

James: 😀

Matthew: in instagib

i’ve had people run in front of my gun before

James: heh

Matthew: and the original target doesn’t get killed and so kills me

Matthew: and i’m like ffs
Matthew: get out of the way 😛

James: a few times i’ve been playing instagib and i accidentally fired when i did the “click to respawn” thing

James: and got a kill with it

Matthew: rofl

Matthew: i love stuff like that 😀

—–

James: NEVER BEFORE HAS A MAN DEMONSTRATED SUCH A LACK OF FORETHOUGHT
James: AS I DID
James: WHEN MAKING THAT BURRITO

Matthew: oO

Matthew: o.O even

James: “How will it close? how will my mouth fit around it? Won’t all the liquid from the mince make the tortilla all soggy so it simply disintegrates when you try to grip it?”

James: all these, and more, are the questions i FAILED TO ASK when making that burrito

Matthew: rofl

James: it was the single most preposterously overloaded burrito i have ever eaten

James: and i once ate a burrito that was made of two smaller burritos*
(*this actually happened)

—–

James: The 48-hour game making challenge was awesome
James: so little sleep
James: so many noodles
James: so much code

Matthew: nice

James: i don’t think my body would actually survive doing that twice in one year

Matthew: that’s possibly why it’s annual 😀

also, went flying again yesterday

James: grats!

hit anything good?

Matthew: yes ^_^

James: ROFL

Matthew: instructor was like “well, you’ve descended this far, you can land”

James: THE GROUND

Matthew: and i’m like k

and
well
let’s just say
it wasn’t the lightest landing in the world

James: hahaha

—–

Matthew: 😀
Matthew: oh man
Matthew: remember when i had a broken hand
Matthew: played an sc2 game where the other guy opened with “i’m on a mac”
Matthew: so i’m like “i have a broken hand, so i guess we’re both equally disadvantaged”

James: hahahaha

—–

James: to be honest networks aren’t so bad, windows filesharing just gives them a bad name

Matthew: windows in general gives them a bad name

James: amen to that

Matthew: the internet runs on networks

these things are extremely well-designed

James: the world runs on databases too doesn’t mean they’re any fun 😀

Matthew: touche 🙂

James: “Networking in windows vista is like having your wisdom teeth extracted through your anus” – Me, on windows vista

Matthew: rofl

—–

James: i swear they’re taking the piss

even asians take the piss

Matthew: so he’s probably offending some relative by using “foo” in his lectures

actually my networks lecturer’s last name was foo
I PITY THE FOO
LOL

James: ROFLMAO

—–

James: evening

James: FUCK YEAH

Matthew: SUP BRO

James: i said evening

Matthew: i have a new wallpaper for you

James: and then music happened

so i fuck yeah’d

Matthew: NICE

YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO BE A GOOD EVENING
WHEN MUSIC STARTS

James: and now i’m removing my pants

Matthew: WHEN YOU SAY GOOD EVENING

WELL OKAY THEN

James: now i’m not wearing pants

Matthew: TIME TO SEND THIS WALLPAPER THEN

James: now i’m wearing different pants!

Matthew: WELL THAT’S KIND OF DISAPPOINTING

BUT A GOOD THING NONETHELESS

James: thats pretty suave

omg he has a TEAMLIQUID BADGE
AND ITS CLASSY AS FUCK

Matthew: I KNOW RIGHT

<3 day9
how could you not
him being related to tasteless and all

James: yeah 😀

Matthew: in other news

i got work DONE today
it was AMAZING
and then in my python lesson thingy in the afternoon
WE WROTE AN ENTIRE PROGRAM
IT ASKED FOR USER INPUT
AND ACTED ON IT
I WAS SO PROUD
OF THE CLASS
OF TWO

James: you’re teaching people python?

grats

Matthew: yep

James: moneys?

Matthew: yes ^__^

today we even went overtime
i looked at the clock and i was like “well we need to wrap up”
15 minutes later we were still coding
i arrived and there was coding going on
couple more python programmers in the world now
feels good man

James: you has done good

Matthew: listening to phonat, zombie army

James: now theres three more people in the world who’ll get those xkcd comics about python

Matthew: yeah, this has been a good wednesday

James: or two

something like that

Matthew: close enough

James: yes 😀

and also that song is amazing

James: omg stoodley

and a pretty hot chick

Matthew: and a razer shirt

James: yeah because thats what i’m looking at

Matthew: 😀

—–

James: heh
just added the first half of this conversation to chat logs 😀

Matthew: what was the first half

I FORGOT

James: see that knob between your fingers

no, the one in your right hand
its a scroll wheel
use it
adding that too lol

Matthew: ikr

—–

James: So last night i had a dream where i chopped off my own dick.

Matthew: ……….

Matthew: ………………

James: It was pretty weird

Matthew: My thoughts exactly

——

Matthew: also i should really go sleep

James: me too

Matthew: gotta wake up at some poinjt romorrow

Matthew: wow that was bad

James: rofl

Matthew: point tomorrow*

Matthew: it’s worse because i tried correcting it

James: i’ve got a lot of work to do before friday

Matthew: and then hit ener

Matthew: tnet
Matthew: tener
Matthew: ffs

James: you should go to slee

Matthew: enter

James: LOL

James: SLEE

Matthew: LOL

Matthew: LOL

James: oh dear

Matthew: that was gold

James: i think its bedtime

—–

Matthew: you know what these headphones need
Matthew: they need an extra volume button

James: cup holders

James: LOL

Matthew: for that boost when you just don’t have enough WHAT

James: i like yours better actually

Matthew: enough volume

Matthew: who would put cup holders on headphones
Matthew: like seriously

James: somebody who doesn’t have cup holders on their clothes, maybe?

Matthew:

Matthew: anyway, it’s like, you can go up to 10 normally

James: =D

James: yeah

—–

James:  inded
James: indeed*
James: friggin laptop keyboars
James: so anyway
James: i want a “das keyboard ultimate”
Matthew:  rifl
Matthew: rofl*
Matthew: LOL
James:  destinys keyboard ^_^
James: LOL
Matthew:  and yeah i want tone otot
Matthew: WANT ONE TOO
James:  LOL
Matthew:  CONTAGIIUS TYPOT DEISASE
Matthew: CRAP
Matthew: CONTAGIOUS TYPO DISEASE
James:  indeed
Matthew:  mac keyboards are so gay
James:  trying so hard ot to typo right FUCK
Matthew:  they take any chance you give them
Matthew: LOL

—–

Matthew: oh man
Matthew: that burp

James: that burp was off the fucking chain

—–

Matthew: I’m pulling out
Matthew: thats what she said
Matthew: wait
James: LOL
James: YOU GOT DUNNED BY A MAN LADY

—–

James: I’m moving several thousand dollars through a series of bank accounts, which is kind of fun
Matthew: That doesn’t sound shady AT ALL

James: what up
Matthew: stabbing IIS
James: i remember they taught me what that was during my traineeship, but then i promptly forgot
Matthew: microscrote’s web server
James: ah
James: super meat boy just crashed 🙁
Matthew: 🙁
James: i love that game
James: its so friggin hard though
James: thats probably why i can’t stop playing it
Matthew: yes
James: one of the highlights was the part where windows media player shuffled “You’ve got aspergers” while i was playing it
James: and i’m like shut up you
Matthew: LOL

—–

Shadyjames: damn you fallout

Yay Purple! \=D/: which is TOTALLY what the radio new vegas dj just said

Shadyjames shakes his fist at the sky

Yay Purple! \=D/: first thing i heard from the radio new vegas dj when i tuned in was “i love you. i love you so much”

Yay Purple! \=D/: guy talking to his listeners

Yay Purple! \=D/: felt good 😀

Shadyjames: hehe

Yay Purple! \=D/: sooner i get to vegas itself and get some casino action the better

Yay Purple! \=D/: help me forget that i just saw you were playing CS:S

Shadyjames: aha

Shadyjames: yes

Shadyjames: the most boring game of all

Shadyjames: is the solution to my relaxed gaming quest

Yay Purple! \=D/: 🙁

Shadyjames: also i found pirate metal

Shadyjames: for true

Yay Purple! \=D/: …….

Yay Purple! \=D/: what?

Shadyjames: theres a band called alestorm

Shadyjames: pirate.

Shadyjames: metal.

Yay Purple! \=D/: :/

Shadyjames: 😀

Yay Purple! \=D/: like

Yay Purple! \=D/: screamo YARRRRRR

Yay Purple! \=D/: although screamo isn’t metal

Shadyjames is now playing Counter-Strike: Source. Click here to join.

Shadyjames: rofl i get in here

Shadyjames: first thing i see is

Shadyjames: *DEAD* Jagua|Paw : thats kool., didnt want my head anyway

Yay Purple! \=D/: rofl

Yay Purple! \=D/: sounds like an easy server 😀

Yay Purple! \=D/: “NOTICE: Hitchhikers may be escaped prisoners”

Yay Purple! \=D/: ^ i love america

Shadyjames: actually fuck it

Shadyjames: i forgot how bad that game was

Yay Purple! \=D/: yay you came to your senses

Shadyjames: if i want to do nothing for 90 second intervals between dying i’ll contract narcolepsy thank you very fucking
much

Yay Purple! \=D/: rofl

Yay Purple! \=D/: on the subject of dying, i’m walking into a prison

Yay Purple! \=D/: ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WALK INTO PRISON

Shadyjames: THEY MUST RAVE THEIR WAY IN

Yay Purple! \=D/: 😀

Yay Purple! \=D/: that’d be the most awesome prison

Yay Purple! \=D/: all the cool kids would be there

Yay Purple! \=D/: hip-hop artists and such

Shadyjames: and you could rave your way out, if you know what i mean

Shadyjames: zzzzzzap

—–

James:

which UT

Matt:

2994

James:

nice

Matt:

2004 even

James:

chat logging that

Matt:

2994 is called duke nukem forever

—–

James: some guy asked me for a demo of me playing in the pub server and he made a video out of it
James: he made an angrifying video out of it.
Matthew: lolnice
James: i mean most of the videos good
James: but
James: theres one clip he shouldn’t have included, of me missing a heavy a bunch of times
James: and he used it TWICE by “accident”
Matthew: nice
Matthew: did you own him?
James: naw he made me a frag vid to the tune of “invaders must die” and it still ends with probably the most badass midair i’ve ever performed, due in part to the fact its also a dom.
James: so i’m happy
Matthew: fair enough
James: also i kill a lot of fully cloaked spies 😀
James: i’m watching it again now and every time i missed the heavy my crosshair was on him 🙁 he just moved around a lot
Matthew: yeah
Matthew: moving is annoying
Matthew: when they do it
James: yes
James: you aren’t able to watch youtube right now are you?
Matthew: watching it now
Matthew: and wtf
Matthew: you insane
James: wait for the end 😀
Matthew: yes
Matthew: that was what brought on the wtf 😀
James: 😀
James: its annoying there was actually a really impressive bounce middie he didn’t include
James: did you like the clip of me double-piping the spy that uncloaked next to me
Matthew: yes
Matthew: however i am never playing tf2 against you ever again
James: 😀
James: you should ask dickinson and josh about that time i played UT2k4 against them both. at the same time.
Matthew: rofl
James: it was bombing run, and when you carry the bomb you’re disarmed
Matthew: oh i hate bombing run
James: so i would pretty much have to fire it off and kill them both before it hit the ground
Matthew: ffs
Matthew: yes
James: aaron dickinson had a bad habit of using nuclear weaponry on my face
he would literally teleport to the redeemer, run at me, and KERBOOM!
Matthew: LOL
James: and i would be backpedalling /w the lightning gun being like NO NO NO
James: but yeah in the end i think i lost with a kd of like 20.0
—–

James: “If nobody wants to come i’ll just go see it alone but if i get stabbed by an aboriginal it’ll be ALL YOUR FAULT! then NOBODY gets comics! Speaking of which i plan to start churning out comics again in all their rainbow-farting glory so keep your eyes peeled and perhaps i’ll reward you by not scarring them permanently.”

Matthew: LOL

nice

James: ^_^

Matthew: you know what i love

wikiforall.net
latest two news posts
“When fate conspires against you.”

James: rofl tru dat

Matthew: then

“I got stabbed”
also “an odd turn” before it

James: hahaha

also, now signing off this email with “Heterosexually”
as in “sincerely”

Matthew: LOL

James: tell me thats not amazing

Matthew: Thats amazing

—–

James: what do you mean WHICH SERVER

James: i’m an end user, dammit

James: END USERRRRRRRRR

—–

=FA= Shadyjames: wtf

=FA= Shadyjames: no you don’t

=FA= Shadyjames: you’re not different to me

=FA= Shadyjames: you’re just wrong

—–

Asshole-face-man!: whats the thing that looks like a GPS

Yay Purple! \=D/: a gps

Asshole-face-man!: oh

Asshole-face-man!: touché

—–

James: all right, i’m gonna go have breakfast, take a dump, and switch computers

James: and when i’m done

James: when i’m BACK

James: ITS SERIOUSFACE STOCKMARKET TIME

Matthew: i’ll be gone

James: AND YOU’LL BE GONE

James: BUT YOU AREN’T NECESSARY

Matthew: also stock market doesn’t open until 9 our time

James: ONLY BREAKFAST IS NECESSARY

—–

Yay Purple! \=D/: kthxhai

=FA= Shadyjames: rofl

=FA= Shadyjames: snorted irl

Yay Purple! \=D/: :/

=FA= Shadyjames: lol’d irl at “snorted irl”

Yay Purple! \=D/: puked irl

Yay Purple! \=D/: at snorted irl

Yay Purple! \=D/: :/

Yay Purple! \=D/: (kidding)

=FA= Shadyjames: eyebrow’d irl @ puked irl

=FA= Shadyjames: then …’d irl at misspelling “irl” as “eyerl”

—–

James: O RLY

James: WHOSE?

Matthew: YOURS

James: it wasn’t that big

Matthew: it hurt still

James: drink some concrete and harden up, bitchtits

—–

=FA= Shadyjames: then they have a piss-up of epic proportions!

Yay Purple! \=D/: FOR GREAT JUSTICE

—–

Matthew: oi so what say at 11:30 we hit up l4d versus mode?

James: dude, i’m going to bed almost now

James: weekend

Matthew: the best time of night is 11:30 D:

Matthew: i totally get my best work done at 12:30 AM

James: yes, this is true

James: i plan to stay up that late TOMORROW

James: however for now i need to be somewhat alert yesterday

Matthew: yesterday?

James: ouch

Matthew: i think i see your point

—–

James: wtf

James: that was so bad i don’t even know if it was a joke

—–

Yay Purple! \=D/: rofl

Yay Purple! \=D/: balls

=FA= Shadyjames: LOL

=FA= Shadyjames: balls <3

—–

Shadyjames WINS: you should do an item on your to-do list >=|

Yay Purple! \=D/: you should talk like a pirate

Yay Purple! \=D/: it’s international speak like a pirate daty

Shadyjames WINS: OMG IT IS

Shadyjames WINS: That be so, good lad!

Yay Purple! \=D/: … i’ve created a monster

Shadyjames WINS: Now move yer lazy keister afore i stick my cutlass up it, and fashion me an automatically updating
comic-title line on yonder blog

Yay Purple! \=D/: -___-

Shadyjames WINS: wench

—–

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:10 PM):

I BE CODING
i decided not to use the force tonight but rather use the source
that means no KOTOR and lots of Pedigree

James – Wheeee says (9:11 PM):

firstly, that was awful
secondly i have a crap assignment due at 11

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:11 PM):

>=D
OWNED
ok i’ll be quiet till then

James – Wheeee says (9:11 PM):

thirdly, i am going to DESTROY some people in tf2 when its over
fourthly its the last crap assignment i’ve got, everything else is exams and game design <3

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:11 PM):

<3

James – Wheeee says (9:12 PM):

and last of all i haven’t done tomorrows comic so its going to be a late night for me <3

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:12 PM):

LOL
NICE

James – Wheeee says (9:12 PM):

would you believe my entire buffer disappeared already?
FIVE WEEKS OF COMICS
WHERE DID FIVE WEEKS GO?

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:12 PM):

I KNOW RIGHT
I’M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE SAME THING

James – Wheeee says (9:12 PM):

DID YOU GET FIVE WEEKS? BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN’T

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:12 PM):

DEFINITELY NOT
NEXT THING I KNEW IT WAS ASSIGNMENT DUE TIME

James – Wheeee says (9:13 PM):

AND I MADE TWO MORE COMICS DURING THAT TIME, AND THERES NO WAY I GOT SEVEN WEEKS, NO WAY IN HELL

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:13 PM):

I WAS LIKE OMG WHERE’D MY ASSIGNMENTING TIME GO
WHY ALLCAPS OOI

James – Wheeee says (9:13 PM):

ALSO I THINK THEY FORGOT AUGUST THIS YEAR
JUST A SUSPICION

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:13 PM):

I KNOW RIGHT
WTF HAPPENED TO AUGUST

James – Wheeee says (9:13 PM):

IT HAD A HOLIDAY

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:13 PM):

ACTUALLY THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION
WHERE *DID* AUGUST GO
I SURE DON’T REMEMBER IT

James – Wheeee says (9:14 PM):

I DEFINITELY DONT

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:15 PM):

\:/

James – Wheeee says (9:15 PM):

I REMEMBER DAVE POSTED THE CASTING HISTORY, AND I DID ONE IN JULY, ONE IN SEPTEMBER, ONE IN OCTOBER, AND none in august!!!!

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:15 PM):

THE CASE OF THE MISSING AUGUST
WHERE THE HELL IS SHERLOCK WHEN YOU NEED HIM

James – Wheeee says (9:15 PM):

I WANTED TO ALLCAPS THAT, BUT I WAS ALREADY ALLCAPS
SO I OVERFLOW’D AND BECAME NEGATIVE

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:15 PM):

LOL THATS THE PROBLEM WITH ALLCAPS
I JUST USE *STARS* TO PROVIDE EMPHASIS

James – Wheeee says (9:16 PM):

THAT IS ONE STRATEGY
IT WORKS FAIRLY WELL BUT STILL NOWHERE NEAR AS SATISFYING AS RE-CAPSING SOMETHING

James – Wheeee says (9:17 PM):

HOLD UP

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:17 PM):

I STILL THINK 72 PT IS THE BEST WAY TO GO

James – Wheeee says (9:17 PM):

FUCK YEAH

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:17 PM):

BUT SILLY MSN DOESN’T SUPPORT IT
LOL NICE
BUT YOU CAN’T ADD BOLD HALFWAY THROUGH A MESSAGE
ALSO SHOULDN’T YOU BE ASSIGNMENTING RATHER THEN ALLCAPSING?

James – Wheeee says (9:17 PM):

D=

James – Wheeee says (9:18 PM):

BUT ALLCAPS ARE SO FUN D=

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:18 PM):

I HEART ALLCAPS

James – Wheeee says (9:18 PM):

I LESS THAN THREE THEM

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:18 PM):

I LESS THAN ATE THEM
SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

James – Wheeee says (9:18 PM):

LOL WUT
NO

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:18 PM):

ALSO 2^3 = EIGHT, SO IT WORKS ON MANY LEVELS

James – Wheeee says (9:18 PM):

ARE YOU HIGH

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:19 PM):

I’VE HAD TWO CUPS OF DECAF COFFEE
I THINK IT’S WORKING

=D
James – Wheeee says (9:19 PM):

I THINK YOU’VE BEEN SNIFFING ALLCAPS FUMES
IF THIS WERE IRL I’D CHECK YOUR PUPILS

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:19 PM):

IF THIS WERE IRL I’D HAVE LEFT BY NOW
ZING

James – Wheeee says (9:19 PM):

LOL ITS FUNNY BECAUSE YOU’RE ANTISOCIAL

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:19 PM):

LOL TRUE

James – Wheeee says (9:20 PM):

AND THAT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS UNCALLED FOR

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:20 PM):

LOL I KNOW RIGHT

James – Wheeee says (9:20 PM):

AND THAT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS OBVIOUS
AND THAT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS REDUNDANT

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:20 PM):

ROFL
I LOL IRL

James – Wheeee says (9:20 PM):

AND THAT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS REDUNDANT
AND THAT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT RECURSED
AND THAT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS A NERD JOKE

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:20 PM):

I THINK I JUST HAD A STACK OVERFLOW IN MY BRAIN

James – Wheeee says (9:20 PM):

LOL NICE

James – Wheeee says (9:21 PM):

I WANT TO CHAT LOG THIS BUT I DON’T KNOW IF ITS ENDED

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:21 PM):

I KNOW RIGHT

James – Wheeee says (9:21 PM):

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET ANOTHER COFFEE, IT WORKED ON THE LAST ALLCAPS CHAT LOG

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:21 PM):

I THINK YOU JUST BROKED IT
LOL ITS DECAF COFFEE

James – Wheeee says (9:21 PM):

LOL FAIL

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:21 PM):

I DUNNO WHAT’D HAPPEN IF I HAD CAF COFFEE

James – Wheeee says (9:21 PM):

YOU’RE RETARDED

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:21 PM):

I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET STUFF DONE ON MY TODO LIST
LOL NOT RETARDED I LIKE SLEEPING AT NIGHT KGO

James – Wheeee says (9:21 PM):

PLACEBO DECAF: FUCK YEAH

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:22 PM):

LOL

James – Wheeee says (9:23 PM):

FUCK YOUR DECAF MATTHEW, IF YOU SAID BRB THIRD COFFEE TIME IT WOULD BE THE PERFECT ENDING

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:23 PM):

LOL THERE’S NO MORE COFFEE IN THE POT
I CBF BREWING MORE

James – Wheeee says (9:24 PM):

LOL I JUST ALLCAPS’D UP MY ASSIGNMENT
AND NOW I’M GOING TO HOLD SHIFT INSTEAD OF TURNING OFF CAPS LOCK

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:24 PM):

I ALWAYS HOLD SHIFT
CAPS LOCK NEVAR GOES ON

James – Wheeee says (9:24 PM):

SUX 2 B YOUR PINKY

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:24 PM):

TOO MUCH EFFORT TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK WHEN I GO BACK TO USING THE SOURCE

James – Wheeee says (9:25 PM):

ACTUALLY SUX 2 B A PINKY IN THE FIRST PLACE RITE?

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:25 PM):

I KNOW RIGHT

James – Wheeee says (9:25 PM):

SEE, IF CODE WASN’T CASE SENSITIVE YOU COULD ALTERNATE BETWEEN ALLCAPS AND CODE ALL YOU LIKE
SCREW CAMELCASE, L2UNDERSCORE
KIDDING, DON’T RAPE ME

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:26 PM):

LOL CAMELCASE MADE EGYPT KGO
MADE EGYPT AWESOME I SHOULD SAY
COBOL USED TO BE ALLCAPS, GO LEARN IT

James – Wheeee says (9:26 PM):

I DON’T KNOW WHETHER ITS MORE RETARDED THAT YOU SAID IT OR MORE RETARDED THAT YOU TRIED TO COVER IT UP

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:26 PM):

LOL >=D

James – Wheeee says (9:27 PM):

SO ANYWAY I HERD U LIKE ALLCAPZ

Matt – Assignments, meh says (9:27 PM):

INTERESTING
WHERE’D YOU HEAR THAT FROM

James – Wheeee says (10:21 PM):

oops

—–

James: BAND-AIDS

James: FUCK YEAH

James: i just got a bit carried away there

James: BOOKS!

James: NEWRAAAAWRRRRRRR *guitar smashing*

James: ok i’m done

Matthew: …

Matthew: EIGHT GIG OF RAM

—–

James – Undaunted says (1:49 PM): i have V

Matt says (1:49 PM): <3

James – Undaunted says (1:49 PM): now, if all goes well, soon i will be able to think

Matt says (1:49 PM): k

JAMES – HOLY SHIT CAFFIENE says (2:26 PM): it worked

JAMES – HOLY SHIT CAFFIENE says (2:28 PM): also we have unicorns on the wiki for some reason
—–

James: Also, I blogg’d

Matthew: I read that and missed the “l”

—–

(6:49:35 PM) Matt: BAH

(6:49:39 PM) Matt: rickroll’d -_-

(6:52:08 PM) Matt: … why am i still listening to it

(7:19:54 PM) James – Whee!: LOL

(7:20:08 PM) Matt: D=

(7:20:26 PM) James – Whee!: i’m chat logging that

(7:23:25 PM) James – Whee!: LOL I JUST GOT RICKROLLED

(7:23:33 PM) Matt: LOL FAIL

—–

James: LOL WUT chrome just gave me a drop down menu of things i’d recently typed into search boxes

James: ITS NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE

Matthew: =O

James: does it do that for YOU?

Matthew: it does that

James: i c

Matthew: it looks like it finally decided to show itself to you

Matthew: it must like you

Matthew: i think we just found you a girlfriend!

Matthew: >=D

James: lol!

James: on the upside, we have all the same interests!

Matthew: LOL

Matthew: well played

—–

Matt (8:40 PM): o.o

Matt (8:40 PM): it’s like, 8:40

James (8:41 PM): yes

Matt (8:41 PM): when did this happen?

James (8:42 PM): about two minutes ago

—–

Matthew: so how’d the game go after i left?

James: i forget, but i win a lot

James: so i probably won

James: and they probably lost

Matthew: rofl

—–

James: i hope i don’t run out of names for characters or else i’ll have to start killing my friends

James: hey thats a good idea!

James: “Aaron”

—–

James: HIFIVE!

Matthew: …

James: Hi-five me, bitch

—–

James: “I had no choice but to get down down down down DANCE!”

James: jamiroquai

Matthew: …

James: “i was born to rock and built to last you’ll never see my feet cuz i move so fast”

Matthew: :/

Matthew: “i’m the scatman”

Matthew: fight music with music >=D

James: “We are going to a different place, and we’re taking everything we can”

James: lyricfight

James: DO IT

James: that one was different, by pendulum

Matthew: “bo ba be, bo bippity ba”

Matthew: =D

James: thats cheating

James: >=|

Matthew: they’re technically lyrics <3

James: scat doesn’t count

James: otherwise i’ll CRAZY FROG YOUR ASS

Matthew: k :9

Matthew: uh oh

James: AND NEITHER OF US WILL ENJOY IT

Matthew: DONT DO IT

James: DONT MAKE ME

Matthew: OK I WONT

James: K FINE

James: /allcaps

Matthew: we should probably avoid using caps

James: yes

Matthew: shouting ftl

James: i’m chat logging that btw

Matthew: brb, third coffee time

—–

James: hahaha i love you

Matthew: …

James: in a completely heterosexual and semi-sarcastic way

Matthew: excellent

—–

Matthew: I need a physics engine.

Matthew: Given the fact that physics fails, I aint writing it myself…

Matthew: *Walks through walls*

James: LOL

James: That’s one of the best ones I’ve heard in a while

—–

Matthew: you know what would be awesome?

James: cookies?

James: brb cookies

Matthew: a dance-off between peter garrett and steve ballmer

—–

Matthew: i love ventolin

James: yeah coz thats totally related

Matthew: <3

James: to what we were talking about

James: o.O

Matthew: well, orange gets away with it when he mentions turtles =(

James: true

James: turtles are cooler than ventolin though

Matthew: ventolin can make you high

James: so can turtles

Matthew: turtles, not even standing on them makes y ou high

James: didn’t you ever read yurtle the turtle?

Matthew: not afaik

James: It’ll be very educational for you.

—–

Matthew: bash rocks

James: no

James: YOU bash rocks

Matthew: Touché

—–

James: rofl i just ate an ant without thinking

Matthew: :/

James: i’m used to having cookie crumbs on my face, how was i meant to know it would be an insect instead

Matthew: i c

/Matthew backs away slowly

—–

Matthew:
http://www.linux-games.com/penguin-command/

Matthew:
tis even on windows

James:
no!

NO!

Matthew:
=O there’s SOUND

James:
i have work to do xD

Matthew:
>=D

James:
damn you and your ability to get me addicted to games xD

Matthew:
i almost have more fun doing this to you than playing it myself

Matthew:
in other news, chromium bsu, awesome top-down game

James: noooo, stop xD

James:
i can’t heaaaaar yooooooooou

James: *plays the tempest at full*

Matthew:
you know those japanese arcade games where you’re totally in the ship flying around shooting at the stuff that comes down the screen

Matthew:
tis one of them

James: oh i love those

James: wait

James: dammit

…some time later

Matthew: FROGGER

Matthew: *installs*

James: GAH

Matthew: man, this is so much fun <3

James: You’re awful

—–

James: ROFL i have somebody on my msn list, “Nancy” above somebody called “Pugrambo”

James: so

James: my brain kind of merged the two into “pregnancy”

James: and i’m like LOLWUT

Matthew: …

James: =D

Matthew: O

Matthew: K

Matthew: i feel a chat logs addition coming on at some point tonight

James: ditto

James: but until then LETS BURN THINGS

—–
James: How do you get up the defrag window with all the squares?

Matthew: They took it out of XP

James: BASTARDS!!

James: I loved that screen!

Matthew: Me too! It made defragmenting fun!

James: I could watch those squares go by all day.

James: It was almost hypnotic…

Matthew: Endless entertainment

James: Why would they remove it?

Matthew: Maybe all the microsoft employees were just defragmenting all day and not doing any work

Matthew: “Sir, all the engineers are defragmenting their hard drives”

Matthew: “Shouldn’t that INCREASE productivity?”

James: Rofl

Matthew: “Normally yes, but they’re just doing it non-stop to watch the pretty squares go past!”

Matthew: “Hm, thats it, we’ll have to remove the squares”

James: “Maybe we could introduce some motivational posters instead? ‘Why defrag when you can….DEBUG?'”

James: “No, that won’t do, the squares have got to go”
—–
Matt:
OH YES

heh

James:
what?

Matt:
if you even THINK about saying “that’s what she said” i’ll slap you

James:
pff not creative enough for me

Matt:
good

James:
LOL thats what she said!

(Just a note of explanation for those who aren’t entirely sure what’s going on here: the “LOL…” is in reference to “not creative enough for me” not “good” :P).

—–

James says:
whoaaaa

Matt says:
morning

Then, simultaneously:

James says:
i really need a wake-up dose of zombie shooting

Matt says:
i feel like a zombie

—–

James: woot

James: i created an empty command line program and ran it

Matthew: awesome

Matthew: platform sdk is installed

James: i should’ve made it cout balls but i honestly forget which way the >> and <<‘s go

Matthew: <<

Matthew: and #include

Matthew: and using namespace std;

James: i forgot about all that

James: i haven’t been to c c c to c what i can c c c for a long long time

Matthew:…

James: =D

—–

Matthew: Yeah i’m getting really slow download speeds on steam too

James: Mybad

—–

(After james saying “brb snack” once every half an hour for about a day…)

James: i’m SO snacky today, i even had a sausage roll to fill my stomach so i don’t want more snacks

James: and i STILL WANT SNACKS

James: maybe if i waterlog myself…

James: brb drinking way too much

Matthew: lol!

Matthew: i just had a “BIG 100g CUP” of noodles

Matthew: it was pretty big

(minutes later…)

James: dammit, all that did was make me want beernuts!

James: brb giving into the beer nuts

Then, later that day…

James: CRAP

James: its FEBRUARY

James: that makes tomorrow the first!

James: that makes tonight COMIC NIGHT

James: that makes me SCREWED

James: which subsequently makes me hungry

James: brb snack

—–

Whilst playing a game of complete annihilation, in order to make the game end Matthew and James had to find and destroy all units of the opposing team

James: It must be underwater somewhere

Matthew: Ok, time for radar planes

James: Ok i’ll get right on that

James: ….when i was playing with my super weapon, did i destroy my aircraft plant? I think i did…

Matthew: rofl

James: …as well as my entire power supply….

Matthew: ROFL

James: Maybe you should build the radar planes this time

Matthew: i think thats a good idea

ten minutes, and five kills later…

Matthew: I can’t find anything!

James: The last remaining player is grey, look for grey smudges on the minimap.

five minutes later…

Matthew: Still nothing, i vote we just call it a day.

James: Ok wait, i’ll level with you. I know where his unit is. The thing is, i wasn’t going to tell you so while you were looking for it i could capture your super weapon and nuke your base.

Matthew: …

James: Only problem is that i’d already nuked my *own* base with my *own* super weapon, so i didn’t have any energy to capture it with.

Matthew: …lol

—–

Matthew: four things

1) http://git-scm.com – how awesome is the picture at the top

James: k

Matthew: 2) penguin command, a linux version of the popular arcade game “missile command” rocks my socks

James: k

Matthew: 3) 20k light years in space or whatever it’s called is addictive

James: yes

Matthew: 4) singularity is addictive

James: k

ok now that i’ve given you my monotonal responses

let me expand

Matthew: 😛

James – Whee! says (12:25 PM):

1. LOL

2. LOL

3. owned

4. k

Matthew: rofl

James: >=D

—–

Matthew: hmm, it

s

al

most

tomorrow

^ fail.

James: LOL

OWNED

by your self

James/Chloe

Chloes bag: *Devours her plastic shopping bag in a zippery death grip*

Chloe: My bag is stealing my bag!

James: its like, “Raagh, i’m the only bag around here!

Chloe: bag envy

—–

James: YOU ARE NOT THROWING MONEY AT ME WHEN WE NEXT SEE EACHOTHER

Chloe: I could make a joke here…

James: Could yo unow

James: i suppose you should, or i will never know what it was

Chloe: Considering you were swinging off the poles before we left youth group yes, a joke could definitely be made.

James: oh right yeah

James: pff i was not even a little promiscuous

Chloe: maybe that just means you need more money thrown at you

—–

(2:03:55 AM) shodyjomes: i’m like

(2:03:57 AM) shodyjomes: going through my bookmarks

(2:04:05 AM) shodyjomes: to see if i have anything else good that is not a gif or starcraft related

(2:04:08 AM) Chloe: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n6Qu7fNqdY

(2:05:26 AM) shodyjomes: ROFL ACQUITTED

(2:05:31 AM) Chloe: XD

(2:05:38 AM) Chloe: I swear, this is my family.

(2:05:49 AM) shodyjomes: lol

(2:06:07 AM) shodyjomes: your house seems RELATIVELY safe

(2:06:09 AM) shodyjomes: from what i’ve seen

(2:06:14 AM) shodyjomes: no iron maidens or anything

(2:06:22 AM) Chloe: Not that you’ve seen

(2:06:30 AM) shodyjomes: is there a basement

(2:06:34 AM) shodyjomes: oh god there’s a basement isn’t there

(2:06:41 AM) shodyjomes: hey can we do saturday at my place instead

(2:06:43 AM) Chloe: No, but you haven’t seen the garage yet, have you

James/Helen

(10:37:21 PM) [Awesome group]: (gunnerria) also I am gonna text Chloe one sec

(10:37:28 PM) shodyjomes: yay!

(10:38:01 PM) [Awesome group]: (gunnerria) k let’s see if she’s awake

(10:38:08 PM) [Awesome group]: (gunnerria) who am i kidding of course she is

(10:38:10 PM) [Awesome group]: (gunnerria) XD

(10:38:57 PM) shodyjomes: haha when does chloe ever sleep

(10:39:04 PM) shodyjomes: except for any time she needs to be awake

James/Steve

[8:43:28 PM] Steve – TT: flipping a coin

[8:43:45 PM] Steve – TT: pointy side up

—–

Steve: There is only so much lube can do if you’re using 20-grit sandpaper on your cock

—–

Steve: If i ever meet her in real life, I’ll tell her she’s not pretty
Steve: Women HATE that

—–

Steve: Some days James
Steve: I am so amazing it hurts
James: i get that too

—–

[3:00:54 PM] Steve – TT: The bitch worships my nuts

[3:00:57 PM] Steve – TT: I guess that makes her

[3:01:02 PM] Steve – TT: sacreligious

[3:01:06 PM] James de Vries: ROFLMAO

—–

[9:10:27 PM] Steve – TT: ajam,es

[9:10:31 PM] Steve – TT:  hacnge of plan

[9:10:36 PM] Steve – TT: im gonna fiuckj thwe other onwe

[9:10:46 PM] Steve – TT: shed is not as hot

[9:10:52 PM] Steve – TT: bu7t sdoesnt have a hosenbund

[9:11:19 PM] Steve – TT: brb mmore fdrindking

[9:13:25 PM] Steve – TT: im ghonna clpose skur

[9:13:27 PM] Steve – TT: jik

[9:38:11 PM] James de Vries: i have no fucking idea what you are saying

—–

Steve: im in heat btw
Steve: wait
James: super horny?
Steve: the mumble server

—–

[5:28:01 PM] Steve – TT: James

[5:28:09 PM] James de Vries: GOOD EVENING STEVENING

[5:28:26 PM] Steve – TT: The demon code prevents you, from declining a hontime session

[5:28:28 PM] Steve – TT: tell me what

[5:28:31 PM] Steve – TT: are you r terms

[5:28:38 PM] Steve – TT: whats the cahhhhche?

[5:28:42 PM] James de Vries: IF WE HON

[5:28:49 PM] James de Vries: YOU MUST TAKE YOUR SORRY ASS AND PLAY SUPPORT

[5:28:54 PM] James de Vries: AND ALSO YOU WILL HAVE TO HELP ME GAAHAAANK

 

(this chat log is in reference to this song)

—–

James: brb pants
James: back /w pants
Steve: sweet
Steve: now that you are successfully panted
Steve: you are close to leaving the house arnt you
James: eta ten minutes
James: i did it a little early just because
James: i didn’t want to get caught
James: WITH MY PANTS DOWN
Steve: lol
Steve: This guy

—–

Steve: JAMES ALL CODING LANGUAGES ARE BEING DELETED

James: lol wut

Steve: YOU HAVE THE OPERTUNITY TO SAVE 3

Steve: Quick

James: uhhh

James: python, C++

James: uhhhhhhh

Steve: TIME IS ALMOST UP

James: FUCK

James: LISP

Steve: 5

Steve: 4

James: I DONT KNOW WHY I DID THAT

James: I DONT EVEN KNOW LISP

James: BUT I THOUGHT IT COULD BE FUN TO LEARN SOME DAY

James/Dylan chat logs

but yeah flash is like, an animation format that just happens to be capable of producing games through sheer enormity of bullshit

[10:21:18 PM] Dirren Bloo: lol

[10:21:32 PM] Dirren Bloo: AS3 is so much like java’s closely related retarded uncle

[10:21:37 PM] Dirren Bloo: they tried man, they rly did

[10:22:13 PM] James de Vries: well its all well and good that you have actionscript experience because all the basic constructs are the same

[10:22:22 PM] James de Vries: but i swear to fuck dylan if you start using AS again

[10:22:28 PM] Dirren Bloo: function(mouseDown){

if (cursor.hitTest(_root.button)){

gotoAndStop(2)

}

}

[10:22:33 PM] James de Vries: i will throw my keyboard into the next dimension

[10:22:40 PM] Dirren Bloo: bahahaha

[10:22:42 PM] James de Vries: and it will emerge 5 years ago

[10:22:46 PM] James de Vries: and hit you in the fucking balls

[10:22:55 PM] James de Vries: erasing one or more of your children

[10:23:02 PM] Dirren Bloo: u watch james. i will learn c++

[10:23:07 PM] Dirren Bloo: and when i finally learn it all

[10:23:22 PM] Dirren Bloo: c++ will fall under the throbbing self loving cock that is AS4

[10:23:44 PM] James de Vries: what exactly are the implications of “falling under” a cock

[10:24:15 PM] James de Vries: is this like you’re at a merry go round and some inconsiderate souls got his 12 foot schlong poking into the spinner and is knocking all the children off their ponies

James/Steve/Lockie/Dylan/Charlie/Whoever the fuck else is in there at the time Chat Logs

[4:43:14 PM] Locky: I just applyed 10 times the force necessary to my pen and wrote a passive aggressive message on the info I gave him and left it on his keyboard.

The extra pressure emphasising my eyeball gouging hate.

[4:44:15 PM] James de Vries: its hard to demonstrate wrath in office-safe ways

[4:53:52 PM] Locky: I think you’re onto something james.. where as I work in like a phoneroom / cubicle.. his office has a door!

Get started on the dismembering door technology and an afterhours installation company and we’re in business lad!

[4:54:24 PM] James de Vries: fuck YES

[4:55:03 PM] James de Vries: it comes in three sub-models

[4:55:10 PM] James de Vries: spring-loaded, weighted, and both

[4:55:27 PM] James de Vries: spring-loaded doesn’t shear as cleanly through the body but it means you don’t have to install additional loadbearing around the door

[4:55:47 PM] Locky: With optional quake exploding body soundwave?

[4:56:22 PM] Locky: I’ll take iteration 3 please!

[4:56:24 PM] James de Vries: weighted is exactly what it sounds like, its a solid steel door 1inch thick with a tungsten carbide tip so that bone offers no resistance

[4:56:29 PM] James de Vries: and both is, well

[4:56:32 PM] James de Vries: we call it “chomp”

[4:56:34 PM] James de Vries: lovingly

[4:57:16 PM] Locky: What’s that?

You’ll take credit card over the phone?

My bosses card will do you say?

[4:57:58 PM] James de Vries: but of course!

[4:58:05 PM] Locky: I’ll take 10 chomps please!

[4:58:26 PM] James de Vries: just supply hours the building will be empty of personnel

[4:58:39 PM] James de Vries: mark the chosen door with the blood of a lamb

[4:58:46 PM] James de Vries: and it shall be done

[4:58:48 PM] Locky: Have you considered developing these for vehicle doors perhaps?

[4:58:55 PM] James de Vries: interesting proposition

[4:59:11 PM] James de Vries: sliding van doors or traditional vehicle models?

[4:59:16 PM] Locky: The options are endless!

[4:59:21 PM] James de Vries: why limit ourselves

[4:59:30 PM] James de Vries: EVERY door could be a deathtrap

[4:59:45 PM] Locky: Plan doors, train doors heck even trapdoors

[4:59:50 PM] James de Vries: Office? CHOMP

[4:59:53 PM] James de Vries: retirement home? CHOMP

[4:59:59 PM] James de Vries: childrens tree house? CHOMP

[5:00:17 PM] James de Vries: if its got a hole in it

[5:00:20 PM] James de Vries: we’ll weaponise it

[5:00:23 PM] James de Vries: thats our companies motto

[5:00:38 PM] James de Vries: the V-series is currently in development

—–

[5:16:20 PM] Locky: Steve I leave here in 15.

Please powder your nose and polish your boots in preparation for your gym buddies arrival.

[5:20:19 PM] Steve – TT: I shall don my best frock

—–

[3:41:19 PM] James de Vries: i am productive but bored

[3:41:26 PM] James de Vries: you should make me less of one and more of the other

[3:41:39 PM] Dirren Bloo: be more productive idiot

—–

[4:09:16 PM] Dirren Bloo: new terraria patch adding shitball loads of new features

[4:09:24 PM] Dirren Bloo: ima check it out, might buy me a few days gameplay ^_^

[4:13:54 PM] Steve – TT: Dylen

[4:14:29 PM] Steve – TT: Please locate the nearest doorknob

[4:14:36 PM] Steve – TT: Then locate your anus

[4:15:03 PM] Steve – TT: And then quickly and firmly join the two in holy matrimony

James/Birkses

Birkses: Being attractive is like playing protoss

—–

[4:13:53 PM] James de Vries: god dammit

[4:13:55 PM] James de Vries: i dropped a two dollar coin

[4:13:59 PM] James de Vries: i won’t be able to concentrate until i find it

[4:14:11 PM] Jordan Birks: AHAHAH i know that feel

[4:14:28 PM] James de Vries: oh jesus fuck i found a burger ring

[4:14:31 PM] James de Vries: how long has that been down there

James/Emily

Emily: Your breath smells like fireworks

—–

Emily: is mayonnaise an instrument?

James de Vries: an instrument of destruction perhaps

—–

James: i was but a young lad at the time

James: didn’t really know much more than to look at the squiggles

James: and buy when it squiggled down

James: but to be fair

James: the squiggle theorem

James: served me pretty fucking well

Emily: This might be the story I was trying to recall when I was saying how you’d lost a lot on the market one time

James: back in the day

Emily: Hehehe

Emily: I want you to make a few million dollars, and get famous enough to tell everyone you did it by watching when the squiggles went down

James: man

James: i want to make a few million dollars

James: so while my friends are away for the weekend

James: i can pay some stonemasons to make a tiny replica castle in their front yard

James: which i will sleep in until they get back

James: and by tiny replica castle i still mean, toolshed-sized

James: and then when they get back and there’s this huge stone structure in their garden and they’re like what the fuck

James: i wind down the drawbridge

James: and wave at them from inside

James: and their kids are like

James: ITS CRAZY UNCLE JAMES

James: and run at me

James: and their parents who are inevitably my friends from a long time

James: roll their eyes and are like this shit again

Emily: Rofl

Emily: I don’t know how your brainain did that

Emily: But this is why you’re my best friend

James: i have recently developed this obsession with changing peoples environments while they’re not observing them

James: in absurd ways

James: like, if somebody has an external hard drive

James: and it’s red

James: you buy a blue one of exactly the same model

James: and before they get to work, you switch the cases

James: so now their hard drive is blue

James: but it still has all the same files

James: and is in exactly the same place

James: and when they come to work and they’re like why is my hard drive blue

James: you’re like huh what

Emily: Have you actually done any of this?

James: no i just think about it a lot

James: i don’t have enough money to justify buying external hard drives just to fuck with people

James: YET

=

Emily: did i ever tell you about how the person who handled the finances at my primary school was a gambler?

James: nope

Emily: the entire time I was there, she was skimming money

James: hah

Emily: ended up stealing over $40, 000 from the school

James: man

Emily: got arrested, and went to jail

James: the things i could do with 40,000

Emily: i fucking now

Emily: know*

Emily: and all she did was put it in a machine with nothing in return

Emily: that’s one of the things i dont get about gambling

Emily: you get so little back

Emily: and you invest so much that had you just put it in a savings account

Emily: you could have just BOUGHT whatever you wanted

James: yeah

James: gambling is pretty fucking stupid

James: saving is the way to go

James: but now that i’ve unlocked this next level shit

James: i’m pretty jazzed about it

James: fuck 5% interest, i do that shit in a week

James: call me back when your compound interest can double your money before you’re too old to use your money to get bitches

James: can you imagine how much stored chemical energy goes to waste in a bushfire?

James: i bet you could power the whole planet for a week with a single australian bushfire

James: also i’m gonna hit the gay

James: ROFL

James: AHAHAHA

=

Emily: cool, so
Emily: i might lose $300
James: you might
Emily: or I could make, like $1200
James: potentially
Emily: this game is fun
James: its much more likely that we’ll make in the ballpark of 300-600 but yeah
Emily: i get how people get addicted to gambling
James: i really don’t though
Emily: i could get how people got addicted to gambling
Emily: though this is a non idiot way to gamnle
James: if you fucking won ALL the time
Emily: i mean, it’s for idiots
James: which is what we are doing at the moment
James: 😛
Emily: the share market is for people with more brains
James: yeah
James: like i said man, the sharemarket is the colosseum
James: its where you go to pit your mind against the masses and tear their money out their asshole

=

James: you keen for more mechbash?
Emily: quite possibly
Emily: though if this crashing thing keeps happening…
James: yeah that shits gayer than two men fucking
Emily: yeah
Emily: I don’t know why the fuck it’s doing it
James: just a buggy game
James: games are buggy these days
James: unreal 1 from 1997 or whenever it was
James: you could fly that game into the world trade centre and it wouldn’t crash
James: now you download the latest 10gb AAA title
James: drive over a piece of paper and suddenly your tank blows up

—–

[12:03:57 AM] Emily Chirnside: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

[12:04:46 AM] James de Vries: oh shit its my birthday rofl

—–

James: You’re a…….

James: whats the opposite of a disgrace

Emily: I don’t know

James: well thats what YOU are!!

—–

Emily: Wow

Emily: So those little baby carrots you buy in tins, or in America in bags

James: mm

Emily: Are big carrots that are cut down to be little carrots

James: whaaaat

James: seriously

Emily: Seriously

Emily: What the fuck man

James: thats not a baby carrot

James: thats a segmented carrot

<Emily posts a link to a picture of baby carrots>
James: thats like mailing somebody a torso

James: and being like
James: it’s a baby lol!

—–

EMILY: Did you wanna hang out today?

ME: What I am going to do today

ME: Is sit in this chair

ME: Moving only to put things into or take things out of my body

—–

James: thats so much better than a normal rainbow
Emily: 😀
Emily: thank you!
Emily: it’s more… if a rainbow went out on a bender
Emily: and then had a hangover
Emily: and chucked up it’s guts
Emily: that’s what it’s vomit would look like
James: that reminds me of something
Emily: oh dear
James: TASTE THE RAINBOW
Emily: lol
Emily: “they’re” not supposed to do that?
Emily: OH I REMEMBER
James: man, those were the days
James: when i finish uni
Emily: comics?
James: i’m going to embark on some other kind of creative endeavor
James: maybe not comics
James: but i miss creating things
James: maybe i’ll work on my game
James: brb poo
Emily: CREATIVE POO
James: i created the SHIT out of that poo

—–

Emily: I want to tell you a story

James: Is it going to be boring like the last one?

—–

(2:48:22 PM) James: nudges are so retarded

(2:48:43 PM) James: i don’t think they even lasted 20 seconds after i found out they existed

(2:48:46 PM) James: before turning them off

(2:48:49 PM) James: same goes for winks

(2:48:54 PM) James: that shit was retarded

(2:49:07 PM) Emily: ugh

(2:49:09 PM) Emily: hate all

(2:49:15 PM) Emily: I think I have nudges disabled

(2:49:18 PM) Nudging Emily…

(2:49:22 PM) Emily: FUCJ

(2:49:25 PM) Emily: FUCK

—–

Emily: Would you rather be a pistachio or a shopping trolley?

James: Shopping trolley

Emily: Why’s that?

James: Goes faster

Emily: I don’t know, pistachios go pretty fast at christmas.
—–

(1:51:53 AM) James: oh man i took a shit today

(1:52:06 AM) James: it can’t even be described as a shit

(1:52:07 AM) James: it was like

(1:52:10 AM) Emily: an actual shit! like a poo!

(1:52:13 AM) James: a violation

(1:52:17 AM) James: a brutality

(1:52:24 AM) James: it tore my sphincter asunder, emily

(1:52:33 AM) James: it was like giving birth to asphalt

(1:52:40 AM) Emily: o.O

(1:52:42 AM) James: when i wiped there was more blood than poo

(1:52:55 AM) Emily: r u retelling my story?

(1:52:57 AM) James: i just tried to poo this evening and then decided against it because it hurt

(1:53:03 AM) James: no this actually happened today

(1:53:26 AM) Emily: we both have torn sphincters o’0

(1:53:32 AM) Emily: o.O*

(1:53:32 AM) James: I GUESS THAT MAKES US

(1:53:34 AM) James: BUM BUDDIES

(1:53:36 AM) James: ROFLMAO

—–

(1:13:56 AM) Emily: i have never drunk tomato juice

(1:14:24 AM) James: neither have i but thats because it sounds gross

(1:14:57 AM) Emily: it DOES sound gross

(1:15:03 AM) Emily: BUT it’s succeeded

(1:15:12 AM) Emily: which suggests it might b amazing

(1:15:29 AM) James: you know what else succeeded?

(1:15:38 AM) James: apartheid

—–

Emily: Have you ever played mao?

James: What is it?

Emily: Its a card game where you aren’t told the rules, you have to figure them out by being penalised for breaking them.

James: So kind of like women?

Emily: Well played, sir.

—–

Emily: Oh man

Emily: I’ve been meaning to ask you

Emily: Was the last thing you said to me tonight, as you left

Emily: “Oh, my knickers are falling out?”

James: Yes.

—–

Emily C says (10:49 PM)

i just realised
that i think my life will be complete
if i have a onesie

James de Vries says (10:49 PM)

whats a onesie

Emily C says (10:50 PM)

really?

James de Vries says (10:50 PM)

….?

Emily C says (10:50 PM)

hang on
Emily C says (10:52 PM):
<link to a picture of a dark-skinned man wearing a onesie>

Emily C says (10:52 PM)

there we go

James de Vries says (10:55 PM)

i see
does he come with the pyjamas?

—–

James de Vries says (9:22 PM)

i just ate beef noodles and veggies and stuff, lite and easy meal

i always feel like such a twat when i eat one of those because i’m trying to put on weight

but they’re fast

and its a change from fried rice

Emily C says (9:27 PM)

yeah

eating light and easy meals is pretty retarded for u

James de Vries says (9:28 PM)

my parents insist its “more nutritious” than the other things i eat

Emily C says (9:34 PM)

it’s more nutritious if u are counting vitamins and protein

Emily C says (9:35 PM)

not so if counting energy

James de Vries says (9:35 PM)

yeah

that said i ate ALL my curry for lunch today

and they give me a LOT of rice under it

Emily C says (9:35 PM)

and the rice?

James de Vries says (9:35 PM)

yes

all of everything

barring onion

and the chopsticks

James de Vries says (9:36 PM)

although i would sooner eat the chopsticks than the onion, if it came down to it

Emily C says (9:36 PM)

rofl

—–

James: Once i had a really good conversation with a tranny

Emily: Oh I remember her, she was the chick with the thing

Emily/Other chat logs

Nurse: *coughs*

Emily: Are you sick too?

Nurse: Yeah

Emily: seems like EVERYONE is sick around here

Nurse: This is a hospital

James/His Employer chat logs

James: Ignore the dicks

Employer: Whats with all the dicks

James/Jase chat logs

James: I’m not a big chocolate guy

Jase: No, you’re a skinny white guy!

  • Raucous laughter*

James/Joshykins

[9:17:14 PM] YOSHI: *Posts a picture of him thats on facebook*

[9:17:29 PM] YOSHI: i look strange

[9:17:39 PM] James de Vries: yes joshy, you look strange

[9:17:53 PM] YOSHI: stranger*

[9:18:12 PM] James de Vries: no i’d say thats about par for the course that is your face

James/Klumpert

James: wait, whats the essay on

James: and why the fuck are you in college at fifteen
Klumpert: xD
Klumpert: im pro liek dat
Klumpert: 16 in april
James: i was half way through typing “are you like some kind of russian genius man” until i remembered your probes vs those hellions
James: then i backspaced it and sat in silence.

—–

James: why the fuck do i have so many readers in israel
James: seriously
James: 84 in australia, because thats where all my m8s live
James: wtf
Klumpert: O.o
James: 77 in the US because thats where everybody else in the world lives
Klumpert: lol
James: then 68 in israel because what the fuck
James: seriously what
Klumpert: hmm, its a terorrist plot
James: i dont understand
Klumpert: you are somehow convulging information about Australia
James: i should probably stop making jokes about jews
Klumpert: and how best to destroy it
Klumpert: lazer eyes
James: lol
James: pie

James/Shambo chat logs

Shambo: How would he reach the pedals?

James: Maybe he could use the huge dick that’s growing out of his forehead.

James/Mike chat logs

Mike:
Mind if I math spam again?

James:
sure, spam away

Mike:
Ok…

James:
spam set to maximum

full spam ahead!

fire in the spam

eyes set to spam

Mike:
I’m receiving approximately (Loling at everything your saying right now XD) approximately 4 MSN messages a minute

James:
SPAM! and the dirt is gone!

Mike:
each contains an estimated adverage of 30 characters

James:
thats no moon

thats a spamstation!

_____

(Whilst discussing fallout 3)

James:
and i wasn’t going to ask the girl to do it because she’s a female character who isn’t tough as nails, but also isn’t a wuss
and the world needs more of those

Mike:
True this

James:
maybe she’ll find a well-balanced male character and have lots of little well-balanced npc children who’ll grow up to be well-balanced npc’s in the next console generation

Mike:
Wishful thinking

_____

James: i fixed it in TWO LINES

James: after 12 hours of thinking and fixing

Mike:HAHAHAHA

James: i was SO rage

James: but it was still awesome to see 20 balls bouncing around flawlessly

James: that sounds so wrong

Mike: XD

Mike: Ah well

Mike: It must’ve been SOMEWHAT fun to do

Mike: Tinker with your balls for 12 hours.

James: it was good brain exercise but it was frustrating that i couldn’t make anything happen right

James: and this is SO going in chat logs

Mike quotes something from earlier in the conversation:

Mike says: (7:19:20 PM)

Did you stun the teacher with your flashy balls?

James - huzzah! says: (7:19:20 PM)

and its awesome

James - huzzah! says: (7:19:29 PM)

you'll have to be more specific!

Mike: Did you flash your teacher with your stunning balls?

James: haha well i did do pretty well in one of the orals

Mike: HAHAHAHAHA

James/Archaon Chat Logs

Shadyjames #stompers: I am your biggest fan

archaion`: im a lizard

—–

Shadyjames: Hi

archaion`: hi

Shadyjames: That is all

archaion`: ok.

James/Nathanael Chat Logs

– Mister Sandman – says (1:33 AM):

why up late so

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:33 AM):

nah man i’m always up this late
combination of starcraft and msn normally
but tonight is a special night
tonight i’m filling out my stab money form

– Mister Sandman – says (1:33 AM):

fapping?

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:33 AM):

so i can get stab money

– Mister Sandman – says (1:33 AM):

stab money?
like compo?

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:33 AM):

yeah man

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:34 AM):

lost income compo

– Mister Sandman – says (1:34 AM):

but
abbos
dont have money

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:34 AM):

exactly
so i take it from the GOVERNMENT

– Mister Sandman – says (1:34 AM):

fuck you

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:34 AM):

and subsequently from all the people who really need it

– Mister Sandman – says (1:34 AM):

talking my taxes
that i dont pay
lol
how much compo/

– Mister Sandman – says (1:35 AM):

?

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:35 AM):

i don’t know yet

– Mister Sandman – says (1:35 AM):

related news:

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/two-men-stabbed-in-sydneys-west/story-e6frfku0-1226342065085

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:35 AM):

but i was out of action for a few months

– Mister Sandman – says (1:35 AM):

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/man-attacked-with-axe-at-family-grave/story-e6frfku0-1226342062811

– Mister Sandman – says (1:36 AM):

ball park figure?

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:37 AM):

i’m hoping for something between one and two thousand
theres a guaranteed like 300 bucks for replacing shit that was damaged when i got stabbed
ie my clothes that got stolen by the hospital staff
cunts.

– Mister Sandman – says (1:37 AM):

lol

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:37 AM):

the rest is lost income
and it really depends how much i can tell them i WOULD have worked during that time

– Mister Sandman – says (1:38 AM):

well you cant excatly keep

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:38 AM):

without giving away the fact i have a job and am just getting paid under the table

– Mister Sandman – says (1:38 AM):

your clothes

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:38 AM):

yeah but they could give them back
wankers

– Mister Sandman – says (1:38 AM):

awesome blood stain shirt
momento?

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:38 AM):

they gave me THAT
the shirt with a big fuck-off hole in it
not my jeans
that i hardly even bled on

– Mister Sandman – says (1:38 AM):

hahaha

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:38 AM):

not my shoes, that i hardly even bled on

– Mister Sandman – says (1:39 AM):

thats so funny

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:39 AM):

yeah man
it wasn’t the stab guy
it was just the nurses or something
they’re like oh bro these jeans are sick

– Mister Sandman – says (1:39 AM):

hahhaaha

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:39 AM):

theres hardly even any blood on them

– Mister Sandman – says (1:39 AM):

score

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:39 AM):

oh and these shoes score
mine now bitch

– Mister Sandman – says (1:39 AM):

lololl

– Mister Sandman – says (1:40 AM):

oh well
a month of work is around 2k

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:41 AM):

sweet
i’m keen for cash hey
my telstra options have gone up quite a bit recently but i need more money
MOAR MONEY

– Mister Sandman – says (1:41 AM):

lol
telstra will go up
nbn monies

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:41 AM):

my goal in life is actually just to collect a ball of cash so large i don’t need to work anymore
and can live off investments
and become a pro gamer or something

– Mister Sandman – says (1:41 AM):

my goal in life is to become PM

– Mister Sandman – says (1:42 AM):

and get peopel to kiss my ass

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:42 AM):

well if you ever make it to federal election
i promise not to show anybody the chat logs of you saying you’re only there so you can get people to kiss your ass

– Mister Sandman – says (1:42 AM):

gee thanks
if I ever

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:42 AM):

unless they pay me
a LOT of money

– Mister Sandman – says (1:42 AM):

lol
i will deny all claims

– Mister Sandman – says (1:43 AM):

shouldnt of said that

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:43 AM):

didn’t work for clinton lol

– Mister Sandman – says (1:43 AM):

lol
you’ll delete this before
updating computer and all taht

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:44 AM):

we’ll see
i’ve still got shit from seven years ago

– Mister Sandman – says (1:44 AM):

same
but will it be
20 years?>

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:44 AM):

touché
i don’t know if i’m committed enough

– Mister Sandman – says (1:44 AM):

they wont care

– Mister Sandman – says (1:45 AM):

i would be doing such a good job
they wont care

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:45 AM):

its funny because even though i know you are some kind of military experiment to make a hateful bastard ranga midget

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:46 AM):

i would still prefer you as pm
to either of the current candidates

– Mister Sandman – says (1:46 AM):

lol

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:46 AM):

and would gladly vote for you over them

– Mister Sandman – says (1:46 AM):

im not a midget

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:46 AM):

yeah
well
it was only an experiment
they’ll get it right next time

– Mister Sandman – says (1:46 AM):

haha

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:46 AM):

three out of four aint bad

– Mister Sandman – says (1:47 AM):

touche
well gillard is poo on a stick
and abbott lesser of the two evils i guess
all heil the mad monk

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:47 AM):

ones a ranga born in wales, ones a backwards sexist male
quote unquote the chaser

– Mister Sandman – says (1:48 AM):

well
sexist male
that isnt a bad thing

James – Friday is optional pants day says (1:48 AM):

heh

——

– Mister Sandman – says (11:13 PM):

Nathanael: want to hear a joke

James: but i’m talking to one

—–

– Mister Sandman – says (8:09 PM):

someone tagged you as Jamus?

James – Loves wikipedia! says (8:09 PM):

that would’ve been kaitlyn or jessica
or amelia
or kara….
lol theres a lot of people who call me jamus

– Mister Sandman – says (8:10 PM):

sounds like anus
so you are like a wierd shaped anus?

James – Loves wikipedia! says (8:11 PM):

so are you like a normal shaped penis?

– Mister Sandman – says (8:11 PM):

well I am an elcock

James – Loves wikipedia! says (8:11 PM):

touché

I then quoted this chat log to Matthew:

Matthew: LOL

Matthew: on that subject

Matthew: new zero punctuation

James: LOL SMOOTH

James: pun not intended

—–

– Mister Sandman – says (7:53 PM):

lol
well
i dont need votes
i just need the queen to love me

– Mister Sandman – says (7:54 PM):

i’ll marry one of my sons to the old hag

James – Loves wikipedia! says (7:55 PM):

beastiality much?

– Mister Sandman – says (7:55 PM):

so?

James – Loves wikipedia! says (7:55 PM):

i still haven’t decided which ones the beast

– Mister Sandman – says (7:55 PM):

he has to take one for the team
ouch ouch

James – Loves wikipedia! says (7:55 PM):

zing

—–

Mister Sandman – says:

you going to schoolies?

James – Know thy enemy says:

nothx
if i wanted to get beat on by drunk fat people
i’d call your mum
zing

—–

– Mister Sandman – its too damn hot! says (12:22 PM):

man, im hungry!
and bored
should of taken the day off

James – Undaunted says (12:22 PM):

then you should eat, and you will be neither
because you’ll be eating

– Mister Sandman – its too damn hot! says (12:23 PM):

lol, remeber i dont eat

James – Undaunted says (12:23 PM):

and then if you’re lucky you’ll need to take a shit, which will keep you entertained for even longer
oh

– Mister Sandman – its too damn hot! says (12:23 PM):

and i cant eat shapes anymore

James – Undaunted says (12:23 PM):

but if you don’t eat, then how did you get so full of shit?

– Mister Sandman – its too damn hot! says (12:23 PM):

its a gift

Gaming chat logs

Team fortress 2

(Before a TF2 match, for  Capping for a Cause)

wb. Whitemagic: You guys ready to cap for cancer?

Other team: Its diabetes

wb. Whitemagic: whatever

Heroes of Newerth

Host: Shadygomez, your KDR is too high, but i’m going to let you stay.

Shadygomez: Because of my ANTICS? or my CHARM? <3

Host: On the condition you shut the fuck up.

Shadygomez: Pants.

Counter strike

This particular event happened during the 24-hour lan party

/Shady spams yakety sax over voice chat

Random: I’ve muted you btw, dickhead.

Shady: I’m playing counter strike at 2:30 in the morning. I have already lost what dignity I had.

Shady: Zing.

OpenTTD

Matthew: We have too much money

James: I know, lets make our own island!

Matthew: Please don’t

James: Too late =D

(That island, incidentally, cost 1.5 million dollars. All of our in-game money at the time)

—–

James: I’m hitting buses with my trains

Matthew: You’re awful

James: GOT ONE!

(Five minutes later, matthew sets up a train line in roughly the same area, across the same road)

Matthew: I just blew up two buses in as many minutes

James: Nice

Matthew: They were pink ones

James: Try hitting the red ones, they seem to be better at dodging

—–

Trivia: Later in that same game, Matthew unleashed a procession of eight armoured vans along the same stretch of road, and lost three to his own trains on the trip from one end to the other.

92 passengers, 8 vehicles, and 36 bags of valuables were harmed during the making of this chat log.

—–

James: I spent the while directly prior to going afk to setting up a mainline of my own.

James: Its unprofitable of course, its just for testing, but everything runs smoothly

Matthew: i c

James: And i capped a red water tanker, which was nice.

—–

James: I’ve been afk since 1997, so I missed all that.

TA Spring

[10:10:31 AM] ima get a cookie

[10:12:16 AM] back

[10:12:23 AM] what, i don’t have a cookie

[10:12:25 AM] oh, i ated it =D

[10:12:37 AM] brb more cookies

Left 4 Dead

Random: Ok, heres the plan. You stay behind with the bots, while i run ahead and come back with a chopper

Shady: And then GET TO ZE CHOPPAR?

Shady: 3. ???

Shady: 4. Profit!

James/Amber Chat Logs

(11:52:44 AM) Amber Cox: His face looked cool though

(11:52:55 AM) James: i don’t remember his face before it was all smushed and dead

(11:53:06 AM) Amber Cox: I’m probably thinking of his dead face

(11:53:10 AM) James: ROFLMAO

—–

(12:33:55 AM) Amber: what is this “nice” you speak of? D;<

(12:34:40 AM) James: i think its when people take their rings off before they pimp slap you

—–

(11:20:59 PM) James: FUCK

(11:21:01 PM) James: EVERYTHING

(11:21:10 PM) Amber Cox: OKAY BRB

—–

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): gay

Shadyjames: oh hey

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): still gay

Shadyjames: no u

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): super gay

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): you are

Shadyjames: i am so heterosexual it would blow your mind

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): lies

Shadyjames: you couldn’t even handle how heterosexual i am

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): prove it

Shadyjames: YOU COME UP HERE AND MAKE ME

Shadyjames: also can’t

Shadyjames: girlfriend

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): xD

Shadyjames: but i assure you whoever it is that happens to be the target of my heterosexuality, beware

Shadyjames: ooookay this conversation got weird fast

Shadyjames: how are you? 😀

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): lolol i’m good xD installing aion

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): you?

Shadyjames: got bored and nobody was online (YOU WERENT REPLYING BTW) so i launched steam to play la noire but then changed my mind

Shadyjames: and then look who it is!

Shadyjames: bang

Shadyjames: amber

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): gay D;<

Shadyjames: yes.

Shadyjames: yes she is.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): sure is ;(

Shadyjames: aw no i didn’t mean it like that, i just mean you want to bang chicks is all! i think you’re super 😀

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): rofl

—–

James: What do you think got into Ali?

Amber: Jesse.

James: zing!

—–

Amber: You suck my battleship

Amber: sunk*

Amber: omg bad typo

James: hahahahah

—–

Amber: OHNOEZ

Amber: I hope there are no spiders under this desk.

James: hopefully not =P

James: i hope there are no spiders IN THIS LAPTOP

James: how unexpected would THAT be

James: o_O

Amber: xD

Amber: SHUTUP.

Amber: Sorry.

James: just all of a sudden you’re typing

James: and then the SPACEBAR FLIES OFF AND SPIDERS COME OUT AAH

James: and its like aaaah fuck spiders!

Amber: omg

Amber: I JUST MADE THE WEIRDEST NOOISE

James: my only weakness!

Amber: wtf

James: other than chocolate

Amber: lmao

James: and cute girls

—–

(8:46:29 PM) Amber: lololol sorry for slow reply

(8:46:31 PM) Amber: i like this song

(8:46:32 PM) Amber: Dx

(8:46:35 PM) James: oic

(8:46:44 PM) James: speaking of songs

(8:46:52 PM) James: my computer is so close to the toilet

(8:46:57 PM) James: i can poo w/o taking off my headphones

(8:46:58 PM) James: its amazing

(8:47:08 PM) James: my pooing experience now has a soundtrack

(8:47:32 PM) Amber: looool

(8:47:35 PM) Amber: lovely xD

(8:47:39 PM) James: if i wanted to poo listening to this

(8:47:40 PM) James: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPZtigbbkz4

(8:47:43 PM) James: i could do it

(8:47:59 PM) James: brb going to try

(8:48:11 PM) Amber: loool

(8:49:12 PM) Amber: i still haven’t seen that movie xD

(8:50:05 PM) Amber: omg that’d be cool to crap to

(8:50:07 PM) Amber: looool

(8:50:18 PM) Amber: past like 1:40

(8:50:36 PM) James: mission accomplished

(8:50:43 PM) Amber: roflll thanks for that

(8:50:44 PM) James: aside from some minor pooing while laughing difficulties

(8:50:54 PM) James: i actually managed to do a pretty glorious sync

(8:51:00 PM) Amber: xD

(8:51:03 PM) James: i even pulled my pants up just as the song ended

(8:51:09 PM) James: 8/10 would shit to again

(8:51:10 PM) Amber: oh well done xD

James/Orange Chat Logs

=FA= Orange [Capped]: outside?

=FA= Orange [Capped]: i might get raped 🙁

=FA= Shadyjames: you might

=FA= Shadyjames: i can’t

=FA= Shadyjames: no anus

—–

=FA= Orange: you need to do a page on wow

=FA= Orange: and its addictions

=FA= Shadyjames: thats an idea

=FA= Orange: guest speak orange

=FA= Shadyjames: lol

=FA= Orange: now orange, what do you have to say about wow addiction.

=FA= Shadyjames: “wow made me lose my boyfriend”

=FA= Orange: ‘brb, gotta kill kel’thuzad and hope my 2h drops so i can improve my dps

=FA= Shadyjames: “he said ‘theres such a thing as TOO gay’ ”

James/Samwise Chat Logs

James: I should just take two 40g doses of balls and get it over with

James: and don’t ask me if thats how much balls actually weigh, because i haven’t checked

James: Maybe i could google it

James : oh GOD! I can’t believe i just said that!

James/SammyB Chat Logs

James – Turning tides says (8:03 PM): lolwut

SammyB – Causing Tides says (8:03 PM): yeah

SammyB – Causing Tides says (8:03 PM): damn straight

James – Turning tides says (8:03 PM): xD

SammyB – Causing Tides says (8:03 PM): im like the moon

James – Turning tides says (8:03 PM): indeed

SammyB – Causing Tides says (8:05 PM): im shiny and mysterious, and yet im strangely distant

James – Turning tides says (8:05 PM): also you’re pale

SammyB – Causing Tides says (8:05 PM): thats true

James – Turning tides says (8:05 PM): and people worship you sometimes

SammyB – Causing Tides says (8:05 PM): YES

James – Turning tides says (8:05 PM): and you’re only visible for 50% of the day/night cycle

James – Turning tides says (8:06 PM): and if you fell on somebody, they’d die.

James – Turning tides says (8:06 PM): this works on so many levels!

James/CJ Chat Logs

James: its popular for microphone spamming in-game

CJ: microphone spamming!!!

CJ: nice

James: yeah, i’ve done mic spamming before, but only in counter strike

James: where everybodys probably a dickhead for all i know

James: (irony)

—–

James: you’ll probably laugh so hard that your bowels simply explode

CJ: LOL

CJ: *poop comes out of ears*

James: rofl

James: “Hey, this doesn’t taste like snot”

—–

CJ: Its so cute when you call me retarded

James: Thats the most retarded thing I’ve heard in my life!

James/Kaitlyn Chat Logs

[1:07:07 PM] *** Katie sent Last Day (5).JPG ***

[1:07:14 PM] Katie: I just found this 😛

[1:07:43 PM] James de Vries: whoa

[1:07:52 PM] James de Vries: i know exactly whose nuts those are

[1:07:56 PM] Katie: hahaha

[1:07:56 PM] James de Vries: but why do you have a photo of that

[1:08:03 PM] James de Vries: thats so weird

[1:08:08 PM] Katie: Im sorting out my photos

[1:08:15 PM] Katie: its in my last day of school folder

[1:08:21 PM] James de Vries: oh last day of school

[1:08:21 PM] Katie: those are your nuts right?

[1:08:26 PM] James de Vries: yep

[1:08:27 PM] James de Vries: those are mine

——

Kait: i didnt realise how many bras and undies i had!

Kait: like 1m x 60cm x 15cm

James: whoaaaa

James: how many boobs do you have?

—–

Kaitlyn: stupid james

Kaitlyn: so smart

Kaitlyn: shut up

James/Aaron D Chat Logs

James – I can feel the wind in my crack! said (8:21 PM):
DUDE
DUDE
BRO
DUDE
James – I can feel the wind in my crack! said (8:22 PM):
BRO
DUDE
DUDE
DUDE
BRO
BRO
MAN
DUDE
DUDE
BRO
DUDE
DUDE
BRO
DUDE
MAN
DUDE
DUDE
BRO
azza92@live.com.au said (8:23 PM):
yes james?
James – I can feel the wind in my crack! said (8:23 PM):
I JUST PLAYED A GAME WITH MATTHEW RITE (NOT THE POINT OF THE STORY) AGAINST 2 PROTONS
AND WE BOTH MASSED MARAUDERS
AND WHEN I STIMMED INTO THEIR ARMY I STARTED SINGING
I LOVE MY PROTOSS
I REALLY DO
BUT THOSE MARAUDERS
TURN TOSS TO GOO
AND THEN THEY LEFT BECAUSE WE SMASHT THEM
azza92@live.com.au said (8:23 PM):
lol
azza92@live.com.au said (8:24 PM):
smashed
—–

Aaron: brb

Aaron: ima take 1 of them shits i hear so much about

—–

Aaron: I need more binds

James: You should try something faux-british

James: How about a spot of rape, wot wot?

James: OMG I’M BINDING THAT RIGHT NOW

—–

Aaron: At least i dont have aids

James: What makes you think i have aids

Aaron: U got knifed, by a black man

Aaron: Ergo, aids.

James: Yeah well i may have had a long hard object forced into a hole i didn’t know i had by a big black man

James: BUT AT LEAST I’M NOT GAY LOL

—–

Aaron: Good afternoon james free for suit shopping saturday morning?

James: I think you will find saturday doesn’t have a morning

Aaron: that is where you are wrong, i have to take my rents to the airport at 5am

James: shits fucked

Aaron: Don’t sleep friday night so its just a bright continuation of friday night, fixed! 😀

James: You know thats actually genuinely a really good idea. When is this happening?

Aaron: I dunno i was thinking meet up around 930

    • days later**

Aaron: Do you need a lift saturday?

James: Yes

Aaron: Okies see u at 5am 😀

James: sweet shitting fuck

Aaron: more like 830 that too early?

James: i think i can manage that

Aaron: it’s k we get to try on suits and look handsome and shit 😀

Aaron: cept i’ll be more handsome 😀

James: save your bragging till after the SWIMSUIT CONTEST

Aaron: please u can’t handle all this

James/Matthew/Aaron* Chat Logs

James: GET TO ZE CHOPPAR

James: ITS GOING TO BLAO

Mattthew: and there’s no choppar yet because the helipad disappeared after the latest renderer update -_-

Mattthew: i’ll try to fix it asap

Aaron: lol?

Aaron: what game is this?

James: Wow, way to break the world matthew

Mattthew: 😀

Aaron: lol

Mattthew: i’ve just been fixing it all afternoon

Matthew: i wasn’t expecting it to be NEEDED, geez

Matthew: i was too busy making the lights around it be shiny

James: lol, *helicopter flies right through the helipad and crashes*

Mattthew: oh yea

Matthew: forgot to mention

Matthew: collision detection is kind of nonexistant as well :/

”* i just realised aaron was kind of unnecessary in this conversation 😛

James/Sparky Chat Logs

Sparky: Did you take your meds, we have a match tonight

James: Yes sir!

James: All drugged up and ready for action

Sparky: That doesn’t sound weird at all

James/TinkerBel Chat Logs

[1:28:19 PM] tinker*bel*: Yeah, but I will make you kill yourself… But don’t worry

[1:29:06 PM] tinker*bel*: It will be in a tragic way

[1:30:08 PM] tinker*bel*: You will feel guilty about the insane man

[1:30:13 PM] tinker*bel*: because of reasons

[1:30:15 PM] tinker*bel*: And then

[1:30:16 PM] tinker*bel*: BUM

[1:30:19 PM] tinker*bel*: Death

James/Rastilin Chat Logs

Rastilin: When I was reading that story, I had visions of the opposing lawyer jumping on the table and just issuing forth a 200 foot long stream of urine. While screaming “THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU”.

James: you are now my favorite person

James/Nathan Chat Logs

Nathan: that and talkin to chick

Nathan: lol

James – FAGGOTRY IN, NEUTRALITY OUT: The lack of a PLURAL there makes me immediately curious

James – FAGGOTRY IN, NEUTRALITY OUT: you big manly man

James/Lewis Chat Logs

Lewis: You play runescape?

James: Nope

James: mmos are boring

James: especially boring mmos

James/Anonymousrandompeoplewhodidntwanttheirnameonmysite Chat Logs

James: banana wins

>=O

Anon: wtf.

James: banana always wins

its like the rules

Anon: no

James: scissors, paper, shotgun, banana

—–

James: morning

Anon: huh ?

James: haven’t you ever had anybody greet you with “morning” before?

Anon: Noppe It Just Hii ?

Anon: All Heyy

James: heh

Anon: Huh Wtf ??

Anon: Ohhkk Lol Really Matee ?/

Anon: Huh ??

James: YA RLY!

Anon: Y a Rly ???

Anon: Wat Dat Meann ??

James: you’re not very up on the lingo are you

James: http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/ya_rly.jpg

Anon: Lingoo ??

James: terminology

Anon: terminology ??

James: i’m fighting a losing battle here

—–

Anon: hey

James: hi again

Anon: hi

I then paste this chat log into CJ’s window, and comment:

James: welcome to the shallow end of the gene pool.

Mike Chat Logs

Kirstie: i’m going to a funeral on friday…

Mike: Ah, nice.

Mim Chat Logs

Mim: Not like, HATE hate, just like, he-should-die hate

James/Wrecktum (Shamboner) Chat Logs

Wrecktum: Wow what a sick surround

James: That was like more than a surround, he had lings in the marines somehow

Wrecktum: It was like a double surround

James: Like a doughnut surround

Wrecktum: With queens putting sprinkles on top.

Wrecktum: I just RAPED your analogy

James: Well it was pretty easy to rape, it already had a hole in it

Multi-participant chat logs

Emily: You give a little, you get a little

James: Thats how relationships work

Aaron: Thats what its all about

Emily: No, thats the hokey pokey.

—–

(Lots of talking)

James: Lo, bishes.

(thirty second pause)

James: It would appear i have stalled the conversation

James: My work here is done

(James leaves the conversation and returns 15 seconds later)

James: Psych!

—–

Amber: My dingo eats cheeseburgers

CJ: My dingo eats babies

James: Brb eating babies

James: Back

James: Couldn’t find any babies

Amber: rofl

James: Does anybody want to help me make some babies? =D

CJ: Hahahahaha