So anyway, about four days ago I headed up the coast for a beachy sort of holiday with all my mates! At current we’ve only been to the beach ONCE but i’m completely fine with that, seeing as they have a habit of taking all my personal belongings and moving somewhere far far away whenever i go for a swim, leaving me and the other person stuck in my position, josh, to find them over the course of the next hour of wandering around the seaside.

So here i am, up the sunny coast, and after having spent the afternoon with my mates and becoming unfathomably wrinkled in the spa bath outside (which was a toasty 32 degrees), i have returned to the comfort of a bed, and some interwebs.
Right now i am accompanied by a particularly chilled-out frog, that turned up on my windowsill – my SECOND STORY windowsill – approximately an hour ago, and has simply sat and…CHILLED

It is alive, for it breathes, and it moved from “sitting” to “crouching” at one point, if there is such a distinction for frogs, and yet it has not moved at all
I have a few people on webcam at current, and i periodically declare to them, THE FROG CONTINUES TO CHILL and then provide them with a good 10 seconds of the webcam staring down the frog who, unperturbed, continues to chill. I think i’ve found a new role model.

Also, whilst i was without the means to blog, i wrote some prose describing the most retarded game of cheat ever to come to pass. Enjoy. Or don’t. I don’t care.

Actually that was a lie.

I have just been a part of the most retarded round of cheat that has ever come to pass. Going into the round, my dubious friend Aaron Coleman cut a deal with Josh, an even-more dubious character who recently resembled a sheep, and now in our eyes resembles a shaved one. This deal was that josh would go immediately after coleman cheated, meaning that it would be impossible for anybody to call cheat on him. The opening move: two fours. Coleman deliberates for a bit, and declares “Three sixes”, whilst putting down his entire hand of fifteen cards.

“Two fours!”, Josh immediately slammed down his offering, and Coleman broke into hysterics at the fact he had just pulled off a single-turn victory. And then there was a sinking in joshes face that said, “Coleman, you fagtard.”

“You do realise that three sixes is not adjacent to two fours, right?”

The entire table cracks up into a round of ‘YOU FAIL’s as josh peels his fours off the top of the pile and coleman takes ownership of the remainder of the cards.

“Your turn josh”

“One ace.”

“CHEAT!” i declare. While this may seem retarded as the first single card to be put down in a round, the reader should note that i had not in fact been dealt in. Essentially, i had just been brought into the game, one card from victory, by taking that ace.

It was joshes turn first.
“Two twos!” (Later revealed to be a three and a four)

“ONE ACE! I WIN! Ahahahahaha”

I guess the name of the game *IS* cheat.