So yes, I have already valiantly withstood some preliminary Christmas festivities, and also thoroughly enjoyed some others that were thrown by my friends. For one, I was told to bring a present. So, the day of the party (In my defence, I thought it was the day before. I didn’t know it was the day of the party until my good friend Aaron Coleman arrived on my doorstep that night and said get in the car) I went to the shopping center at midday and decided that I would wander these halls of the damned until such a time as I had found a suitable present for one of my lovable friends. Along the way, I ran into a certain LAN buddy of mine, Nathan “Only1Stoodley” Stoodley, who was recovering from a hangover and had come to the battlefield for a triple shot of coffee from gloria jeans. With nothing better to do, he accompanied me through various nick-nack shops while I searched in vain for a gift. Until finally, in the midst of the wigs and eyepatches aisle I had an epiphany.

“Thats an idea”
“…a stuffed toy store?”
“I’m not sure. We could try, I guess.”
“Or we could try Toys ‘R’ Us”
“Could you stop talking in allcaps, please?”

So, we quested from one end of the centre to the other, and found ourselves in Toys R Us. I selected an adorable oogoochywoogaboogywoodiddleitsapuppydog from the shelves, as well as some play doh, just for lulz. We decided not to proceed to the check-out until we had finished our berry chillers from gloria jeans. This took a good five minutes, but we didn’t mind, seeing as the toy store was surprisingly calm compared to the rest of the mall. While there, I presented an interesting observation.

“Do you think that we’re the LEAST common demographic in this store?”
Stoodley put down a dora the explorer plushie he has been examining with disdain before replying, “You’re probably right. I mean theres lots of mums. Theres lots of kids. Theres the odd bloke getting dragged through the store by his girlfriend. But two 18 year old males?” I decided not to tell him i was still 17, “They probably haven’t seen the likes of us in millenia.”
“And here I am. With a stuffed dog under one arm, and a jar of play doh under the other. I think the stuffed dog thing suits me. It has character. I should carry one around more often.”

I then wore that dog on my head at the bus stop for 15 minutes, before taking it to the party to find a loving home with my good friend Katrina. This christmas battle, my friends, has been won.

Shady out.